Guard your chickens

I wake up this morning at 6am sit bolt upright and think

I MUST EAT PASTRY

so I pull Squirrel out of bed to make sure I'm not hallucinating or suffering brain hemorrhage then I make her run with me to the shops to buy a shortcrust pastry block then we whistle that soft block back home double-quick where I stuff it with feta cheese and tomatoes and

I EAT PASTRY WITH PASSION

but this is a very surprising turn of eatery-event because for 40 years I have declared

I HATE PASTRY

maybe except filo pastry soaked in nuts and honey so where did it come from this

STRANGE AND THIRSTY LUST FOR PASTRY

but it cannot be that I am pregnant unless 4,000-year old peat bog women can become spontaneously pregnant maybe through witchcraftery and demons working overtime in dreams

but the children remain in a state of shock about this unwarned-about conversion so I'm telling them tomorrow

WATCH OUT!

because I might just wake up at 5.30am to leap out of bed and renounce my 30-year old vegetarian diet with the shout

NOW I MUST EAT A CHICKEN BUT I HAVE TO PLUCK IT GUT IT AND KILL IT FIRST.