I don't know about all you single people out there, but Grit is not doing so well in these times of LOOK DON'T TOUCH.
I sorely miss all the hugging and handing of my normal days, when connecting with friends through welcome clasps with kisses, hello and goodbye, was happily normal.
And that's before I get onto the subject of missing out on the Pensioner Sex.*
I can't wait for this horrible LOOK DON'T TOUCH phase of lockup to be over.
But the British are supposed to be so repressed about touch and intimacy, aren't we, that maybe we're accustomed to this new lockdown code, LOOK DON'T TOUCH.
Hmm. Right now I wish I could be Dutch. I read how one of their lockdown rights was a Bedroom Buddy. Imagine!
Yet of course we have a silver lining to this traditionally repressed British state. We are absolutely bloody brilliant pioneers in the language of
nudge nudge wink wink.
In which spirit, I am delighted to launch my soon to be (unsuccessful) business line for this new phase of LOOK DON'T TOUCH lockdown. Where we single folks can regard a nice arse from a distance, no touching allowed.
My
Nice Arse,
Aunt Fanny and
Lovely Jugs.
Suitably British LOOK DON'T TOUCH naughty words and thoughts with traditional lead print to stamp into your Knicker Drawer Note Book.
Or just hang it from your doorknob. It's up to you. The police aren't watching on this one.
On sale soon at the Knicker Drawer stand in Vintage Number 38, if you're local. And if you aren't, you'll have to make your own.
(Nice bum, by the way. I've been regarding it for quite a while and I just thought I'd mention it.)
*
Sure to increase the blog statcounter by a few hundred readers, every one of
them to be quickly disappointed.
