Angry and indignant

Art with Hitler. This is not a good experience for me. It brings back bad memories. I've suggested dropping these lessons. But we'll keep going so long as Shark, Tiger or Squirrel say they get anything from them. Shark says she likes the art but not Teech. Tiger says she likes the art and doesn't take any notice of Teech. Squirrel says she thinks Teech is trying to show them how to be a schoolie.

In art lessons, Teech is in charge. Teech takes a register. Then it's all, 'Now listen to me. Me, Me, Me.' She tells the kids what to do and what lines to paint where. And in what colour. So they do. They put the lines just where she says, and in the colour she says. And I sit there seething. I think every time they do what Teech says, they're not learning about art, or what their materials can do, or what colours can do, or lines, or shapes. They're learning how to be obedient to Teech.

Squirrel puts up a little bit of rebellion. She says, 'I'm making my line a bit curvy, and Teech said straight.'
'The curvy line looks really good' I say. Then that gets me feeling more rebellious, so I wait till Teech is close by and I say again, 'I like this curvy line. It stops all these straight lines from being very boring.'

Then I get angry because now I am petty, mean minded and reduced to using Squirrel's art to make sniping comments. Then that makes me feel even more rebellious, and I start wanting to make snorty noises at inappropriate moments. If I do, Teech will say I am disrupting the lesson and send me out the room to stand in the corridor.

I could be good at being disruptive in the classroom. I have a lot of experience of it, and I've been taught by some of the best practitioners of the art. Some of my lessons have been undermined by masterful performances. First I'd start off with the hissing, at such a low volume that Teech can't tell where it's coming from, so she has to walk around the room, like I once had to, slightly leaning with an ear inclined, to pick up the direction and the culprit. Which already looks pretty foolish, but probably less foolish than shouting out 'Stop hissing!'

If I didn't do the hissing, I would do scraping the chair legs back and forward across the floor whenever Teech tried to talk. Or loud coughing. That would get a laugh. Or I could do what several kids tried in my career, and that's to lie flat on the floor. Perhaps across the doorway, or under a desk, or by the board. Then don't say anything, don't move, don't respond. That's the key to success.

Of course this is all low-level disruption compared to the really classy stuff which I would have to have the right mentality for. I could try a rerun of throwing the hammer, brandishing the fake gun, being drugged out, or shouting 'I'm a dinosaur' before picking up Teech's chair and throwing it at the wall.

By the end of Teech's art lesson I'm angry and indignant, and not in a good mood.

Or I could be just jealous. At some point this week, in a moment of madness, I'll attempt to get Shark, Tiger and Squirrel to sit down, stay quiet, and look at a book together, or draw a picture, or do some maths. And I'll be rounding them up from behind the sofa, from under the tables, down the bottom of the garden, from bedrooms and bathrooms. And when everyone's together we'll all look at each other and I'll say, 'Shall we do some work on Persia then?' And the answer will come, 'No', before they all run off.

But there's consolation. At least they don't have to do the hissing.