If I do that, I might be able to avoid giving you an overwhelming sense of disappointment - the one that I can so easily convey regarding our virtually non-existent educational provision here in Hong Kong.
So let's attend the Home Educators Chinese New Year Party! See, Travelling Aunty? I can show you that we do have friends. People who really speak to us!
I didn't even have to follow them. Not for more than a little bit. I've done only a small amount of pleading too. It shows how generous they are! I hid our horns and tails. Everything went okay from then.
And look at this, Travelling Aunty! We know people who live in decorated upscale Hong Kong apartments like these. That should give you confidence. I didn't really send the kids off to live with the old bloke on the beach. That was just a flippant remark. I didn't mean anyone to take it seriously. Here, you'll find lots of lovely ladies sitting around talking about biscuits while kids run around, traipse in and out of toilets and clutter up the chairs in front of Discovery TV. It'll feel just like our home ed back home. See how you can trust us to make everything feel normal for your little nieces!
Outside there's a craft activity to do. Making lanterns out of red envelopes. What could be more child friendly than that? I'm not scarpering. It's just that I've had experience of one stapler and three kids and I still bear the puncture marks.
Anyway, look over here! Thanks to these lovely ladies in Hong Kong who know what they're buying, we can try smiling mouth pastries. They're deep fried pastry parcels filled with peanut and sesame. Delicious. Three thousand calories each, and counting.
The children can sit over on the craft table and I'll photograph their happy smiles for you. Sorry about the blurring on the lens. My fingers are soaked with deep fried nut grease.
Look at the craft result! Brilliant! Especially as I have escaped it all by hiding behind the cakes and nut selection to work my way through the garlic peanuts. I think I got away with it.
There. I feel better now. My anxieties are laid to rest. I showed you how smoothly our non-existent educational programme is proceeding, reassured you as to our lovely social circle, led you by the hand through the home ed life of normal, and provided you with a set of flat-pack stapled lanterns to take back home. I bet now you're almost thinking of putting away the Social Work Care Plan Clipboard, taking off your shoes, and drinking a glass of wine.
