Then I will be your friend

Ditta made me do it. She held me down in a head lock and threatened me with a Chinese burn if I didn't.

I pleaded, I really did. I whined, whimpered, and did a whole lot of whimpery whinery to get out of it.

But nothing moved Ditta from her cruel demand.

Then she made me cry and said she would never ever EVER speak to me again unless I did it.

So I did. Even though I said I never would.

I joined Facebook.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I know what I said. But I said the same thing over a hamster and the fox terrier and now look.

Anyway, I have taken precautions. I have adopted a false name. They are not having my soul, oh no they are NOT. And this time I have privacy settings!

Even though I set them by accident. But they're staying (and it is not only because I do not know how to change them back again).

The privacy setting is staying because it will deter the German gentleman (who does not deserve that appellation). Last time I snook on there he kept bombarding me with Will you be my friend?

Of course not. I ignored him.

Dig said I had missed the point of Facebook. He said it is a tool to manage one's international profile and promote one's latest work. He said that it is very useful to maintain contacts with people you know in Mexico because they might turn up in Australia. He glowered at me and said I'd change my tune if that happened. Then it would be all Grit whining Why can't we use your contacts to visit Australia?

Hmph. Well, me and Dig live in different worlds. I like to know the people next door, round the corner, and over by the back lane. They are useful contacts, because they might know when the council is changing the rubbish collection system again, or who keyed the cars last Friday night.

But it is also true that I feel the need to keep in contact with Ditta, and the very lovely people in the home education world. We are truly a force to be reckoned with.

To help me navigate a sensible route through the rocky terrain of social networking, I have made a rule, for which I apologise in advance to anyone who is keen with their virtual life. I cannot be your FB friend.

Not unless I have met you, face to face, spent time with you, and come away from the exchange without a black eye, busted lip, or sense of vengeance festering in my heart.

That makes sense to me.

(So, Kelly, whereabouts in Wales are you?)

PS I lied about Ditta. I fell in love with her instead. Once in that condition, I am easily led.