Why I gave up teaching

Because they wouldn't let me do things like this in the classroom.

  Much Ado about Nothing with Cake Mix

Children! Here is today's lesson, in preparation for the Shakespearean play you'll see tomorrow! Remember, because we are smarty-pants home educators, we follow Home Education Law One.

 All learning objectives must be achieved via CAKE.

Now see here, the main characters in this play, Much Ado about Nothing, Benedick Butter and Beatrice Sugar. I have added a twist of pepper to Beatrice Sugar because she has a kick about her. 

They fall in love each other but cannot express their love unless they beat each other up. With words. Now, let's whip them into a creamy frenzy.

Right, I'm not going any further with that one. This is an exegesis of Shakespeare, not a porn movie. Let's move on.

Claudio. He loves Hero. That's not a man, by the way, Hero's a woman, even if it sounds like a man's name. She's a bit boring. She is a conventional Elizabethan lady who comes with a dowry. Strap a coin to her head. (Now she looks like a whore! Much more interesting.)

Right, the mischievous characters under Don John will try to BREAK Claudio's and Hero's love! The eggs are now making sense, aren't they, children?

Next, Don Pedro. He is an authoritative person in the play. He fools about, but on the whole he is a GOOD EGG. Give him a newspaper.

See that character behind? That is Don John. He is Don Pedro's brother and a rascally villain, so almost sure to wear a hat. He helps makes mischief before conveniently disappearing. I always feel disappointed by that. By stage rights, he should be there Act V Scene IV to receive a good moral smack-down. Never mind. Here he is, the BAD EGG.

Aha! The naughties! Don John's followers, Borachio, the repenting criminal, with Conrade, his sidekick. Let's put the naughties into the cake. Cherries. Say what? Call them sultanas to work the theme of duplicity and make a fool of anyone who swallows a slice of this cake. play.

The naughty sultanas trick Claudio! They get up a bit of a scene to show Claudio that Hero mixes herself up with any egg she fancies. Claudio, who quite frankly is a bit of a dope and far too quick to rouse to passion, takes the bait and believes them.

But wrongs have to be righted. And we are approaching the end of the play. Enter Signor Leonato. He helps bring Claudio back into love; he helps Hero recover from the unfair accusation that she is an egg who'll sit in anyone's box for a penny; and I'm sure somewhere he'll say wise things about justice and fair play. Basically he is glue that holds everyone together. Make him bold, imposing, and a bag of flour.

Voila! Much Ado about Nothing with Cake Mix!

Finally, note the nothing in the middle.

See? I would never have been able to have that afternoon's fun in the classroom.