The force takes control of our minds

1. Strange! Did you see that tribe of adults and kids pass by? At 11 am on a weekday morning? I wonder who they are, and where they're going?

2. Everyone seems to be trailing one kid on a trike. She seems to draw us on. Let's follow her.

3. Uh-oh! There is the drawing force. Water. Creeping up behind, pretending to be innocent, tempting the vulnerable with its wicked ways of flowing about and rippling, trying out the endlessly mischievous possibilities with an occasional come-hither gurgling noise.

4. Inevitably, the strange tribe will become aware of this unique force. Resistance will break down. Daring members will experiment by making tentative investigations of the strange and beautiful material.

5. Too late! Within ten seconds,  the water has woven its charm. It exerts a magic power. The entire tribe must now call a halt to the walk while those under the age of 13 start sacrificing sticks to it, working out how to control it, and what can be done with it.

6. Suddenly, as if drawn by the force of the water, an even larger crowd assembles. (If you see this on the high street, the focus of devotion will be a puddle.)

7. Five minutes, and one of the junior tribe will strip off to clamber over the wondrous material, barefoot. Even though it's winter and sodding freezing. The elder members of the tribe now know all is lost. They are powerless. May as well give up all ambition of making for the wood and stand about here.

8. The assembled tribe now waits patiently for the junior tribe to complete their mystical devotions. Elders pass the time by talking about a) local council education practice b) home education approaches and philosophies c) how we always have to wait for hours in the freezing cold while the kids get in the river, for goodness sake doesn't anyone have any control over this? d) Strictly Come Dancing.

9. Teenagers gather. Resembling parents. Too cool for the lure of the water. Talk is not of power and powerlessness, but Warhammer, and this really wicked thing that happened at the weekend.

10. But all is lost! The water will win! As it surely, always, wins.

Then know this strange tribe as your local home education group.

We are the ones returning to the meet point three hours after we began, eschewing all paths to wade through puddles, rivers, canals, streams, sluice channels, and lakes (if we had wellington boots big enough).

And we have the reputation that we're odd!

It is not us. Blame the water.