The best ones, you can ignore

There is a first-world disaster at Grit Towers.

I have a leak in my Krups.

I have suspected it for some time, but it is now that I am sure about the scale of the problem. Indeed, I have measured it. This morning I put in four cups, and got out two cups. The remainder leaked all over the worksurface, down the front of the oven, and dribbled a little puddle on the floor. I stood in it.

That, I am afraid, marks the finish of my Krups.

I am sorry to see it end. I may need a mourning ceremony. Maybe a coffin.

There will never be another like my Krups. Simple and honest, without affectation, pretension, or fiddly buttons making upsetting demands, it did the job. For 15 years, it made me happy. In fact it was so understated and undemanding, it only had one button. On/Off. Which broke shortly after I bought it. But it never bothered me, because the socket has a rocker switch.

With a heavy heart, I must now seek a replacement. I must be cautious. If I rush into a decision on the rebound, I will wind up with something all twinkling and flashing but in my heart I know the experience will be nothing but unsatisfactory. After an initial enthusiastic button-pressing, everything will break down. It won't do the job; it will stew my needs; spit spite and recriminations; then leave. There will be nothing but bitterness, resentment, and tears to spend the hours.

But it is not only the simplicity of my Krups that I will miss! The no-fuss way it was all in-and-out/over-and-done.

I will miss its stylish curve, pleasing me. Quiet elegance, sleek line, a robust heaviness that feels right in the hand. Weighty and worthy.

For now, I can only sigh. I know the world has moved on beyond my needs. One glimpse tells me so. Over-engineered, over-designed, over-buttoned, I will soon be brought to tears with a confusion of front-loading, automatic, drip control, reset timing, pause button, steam clean, hot pressure pump and would you like shower head assist?

When all I want is an honest girl's on/off filter coffee machine with a thermal jug.