It's a steal

Feeling pleased with myself. And a bit guilty. The sort of mix which comes about as a result of doing something you know you shouldn't but you can't help yourself. Like chickpea theft from the upmarket tinned goods range at Lidl. One tin of chickpeas up! But that is bad, people, bad.

The contrary state of my soul is the upshot of a last-minute freebie offer where the kids go cheap and one goes free. All I have to do is incant simple magic words into the telephone (bogoff cheap kids free) and Whazam! Four tickets are ours!

I feel immediately pleased with myself. I spend a fiver and save fifteen. This is good indeed! But when we arrive, then I'm feeling guilty. The theatre's half empty, and here I am, skanking the system, getting us in cheap, going round the back door, and denying them the cash they need to keep alive. Orchestras around the land are begging for help in these hard economic times and what do I do? Strip the flesh from the bones.

Here they are. Milton Keynes City Orchestra. Pretty good, too. Playing tonight Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra plus a lot of strings and some big Russian piano. They deserve your support. They need your cash. Go on, put your hands in your pocket and support your local orchestra. They're worth it.

That wasn't very exciting after all, was it? I bet now you wish I had nicked a soft porn DVD and a bottle of Tizer from Lidl, don't you?