Dear Goddess of the Woods,
We powerless parents have today offered up to you the sacrifice of twelve kids that your holy branches demanded of us. We have included one dressed up like a Wookiee in military fatigues, and the others looking like they are members of the UKIP Youth Wing who have taken their tribal ideas from the Khmer Rouge.
Dear Goddess, if you can be mercifully minded, please be kind to these offerings today, as they run about trying to bash the shit out of each other with sticks while they 'capture the flag with a twist'.
If you can return to us our children in one piece, as we would entreat you, then we would be eternally grateful. Please do not stab them in the eyes with your pointy twigs, nor trip them up with your stumpy remains, neither catch them in your nettley and thorny embrace.
Although I am convinced that once they get started running about blindfold there is sure to be blood.
Thank you, Amen, etc.
(I have brought the Savlon, just in case.)
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