That Chemistry IGCSE?

I'd like to say, at this point, in early days, before the solution blows up in my face and ignites my eyebrows, that Chemistry IGCSE by post? It's all going brilliantly!

Of course it is not.

We have barely started, and you should hear the howling. You probably can, sitting quietly in Ullapool, sipping your Earl Grey, wondering vaguely, Why are the windows rattling? That is Tiger, voicing her consternation that I am now demanding from her the completion of Topic 2, Principles of Chemistry, with a Bit of Diffusion.

With all this hullabaloo, you would be forgiven, truly, for imagining how I had threatened eternal imprisonment unless she (and her sisters) solve all the riddles of the universe with this broken comb and that mouldy plum stone. And I want your assignment in writing; use your own blood.

Now, I am all one for going with the child-led flow, but I ain't going with the flow on this one. Going with the flow would mean lying down on the floor and giving up altogether. Writing three sentences and choosing from a column whether a couple of statements are true or false does not, in my mind, constitute hard work.

Thus, I have become Mean Mummy. I think you home educators should know this is possible; how even the hippy, free-thinking hair, autonomous-leaning Grit has a line at the front door, over which you do not cross en route to your next social engagement (many, this is home ed) unless I receive by next Monday, 4.40pm, Topic 2, Principles of Chemistry, with a Bit of Diffusion.

Writ in your own blood, or mine.