Bunk off school! Take kids to woods!

One of the kazillion reasons why home educators piss everyone off? We don't just talk the talk.

We wrangle the kids from that nice, waffly, aspirational, wouldn't-it-be-nice dinner-table chattering, pull on wellington boots and old coats from Help the Aged charity shops, and create a practical, outdoors, risk-greeting learning. With fights, mud, and blood. Every freakshow day.

And, while Tinkertop's up to her neck in muck and mire - with her crappy maths, appalling handwriting and inability to understand Year 3 Goal Assessed Focused Target Approach - we still defiantly call it all an education.

Now I expect the nation will tutty-tut and shake heads sorrowfully at the way of the world, before asking whether anyone would like another serving of terrine of duck foie gras? And how imperative it is that Tinkertop leaves school with 10 A*s! We hope she's grateful. Just think of the sacrifices we made on her behalf.