We have a Duchess moving in

I met a Duchess tonight. At my garden gate. No, this is True. She crossed the road to greet me, just as I set out to find supper at Lidl.

She asked about a house for sale down the road. She said, since she is a Duchess, it would be very useful to buy this house, since we have a railway station and she needed to visit Buckingham Palace. She added, all she needed to do, was some paperwork. And she wouldn't need to pay Council Tax. Also, by way of an addendum, she said she could put in for the Crown if the present occupier died, being on the list.

I just engaged her in conversation about Victorian housing stock. I kept it all going for as long as I could but I didn't tell her I'm a paid-up member of Republic.

But, if you do read in The Lady that Duchess so-and-so (I think she said her name was Sharon) is now a resident at a terraced house in Smalltown, well, you read it here FIRST.