Irritating things

I am a bit grumpy today. Dig has upset me so I have put up the Ikea bed without telling him as a message that I can jolly well do without men, thank you very much. This has made me feel better.

Actually, I am grumpy every morning. Dig just makes it worse. It starts every day because of the electric lead on the coffee machine upstairs. Thanks to the way we live in this bizarre house, we've ended up with a kitchen attached to our bedroom. Which is great for late night eating when I can collapse asleep after sag paneer. And it's great in the morning when I can roll out of bed and make coffee. And then I am irritated by the lead on the coffee machine.

The coffee machine is all white. The bankrupt interior designer who did up the flat was inspired by the Mediterranean for the kitchen, so it's brilliant white and sky blue. And the coffee machine is all white too. Except for the lead. Which is black. Now why couldn't the person who designed that coffee machine and had, as its selling point, a total white appeal, add a white lead?

I know that white leads exist. Because next to the coffee maker is a dark blue electric kettle. And guess what? Instead of a black lead, which would blend in nicely with the midnight blue kettle, it has a white lead! So it's deliberate! They do it deliberately, just to annoy me. And there's probably a law somewhere about it too. All designers must use a contrasting colour lead to electronic kitchen appliances. The law will be called 'Directive 45/990. Annoy Grit.'

If that wasn't bad enough first thing in the morning then I have the next grump-making vision downstairs by the nearly-mended shower. It's the ironing board. Or more specifically, the ironing board legs.

Now I want a designer to tell me why ironing boards have to have legs like they do. That irritating letter X shape prevents me from putting anything underneath the ironing board, which is, let's face it, just a flat surface with a curved end. But no. Instead of a practical four legs like a table and an iron board on a lockable lazy susan design, which is what I really need for an ironing board that has never ever been folded up and put away in the last 20 years, I get a cross-legged shape that prevents me from putting under it the big box I got from the tip for a fiver. So the big box takes up room somewhere else and irritates me as well.

These domestic things are very, very irritating. And this is before I get on to the kitchen tap that revolves 90 degrees every time you turn it, the wobbly floorboard in the kitchen, and the handles that have now dropped off a total of four doors in the house.

And I have to get used to it all. And Dig, too. Now I am in a grump.