Lab report

Readings taken at 28 hrs 42 mins in preparation to 00.00 transmission Hong Kong to London. Lab analyst: Grit.

Prime study: Investigation of emotion-substrates exhibited by molecular bulks named Squirrel, Tiger, Shark, using the functional parental observation and auditory methods.

Squirrel: Type 1 Category A anger exhibited. Bloody well pissed off angry slamming doors with advanced characterisation of yelling obscenities including references to poopy brains and bottoms. Structural phenomena and potential breakdown defect induced by parental unit (Mother) touching Squirrel Stuff, especially Stuff in squirreling hole behind bedroom curtain. Instruction to all lab staff: Completely avoid or wear earplugs and gloves.

Tiger: Type 1 Category A high resolution delight structures growth exhibited. Luminescence and other general crystalline glowing detected with additional fond memory expansion. Response to stimulus includes humming at anticipation of return to familiar environmental factors, including cuddly unicorns, garden, and Louisa the horse. Instruction to all lab staff: Enjoy. Smiles do not come often.

Shark: Type 1 Category A resignation. Lack of bitter complaint observed. As is multilayered state of acquiescence and packing of cabin bag procedurally without predicted complaint. Looks more and more like Dig in a frock. Instruction to all lab staff: Recommend close observation in case something spooky is up or clever Dig-type plotting is employed in the developing strategic brain functioning strata.

Dig: Control reference point requiring two brains and absence of all displayable emotion. Is merely catching flight to UK before depositing lab assistant Grit and study units gritlets in Buckinghamshire then boarding flight to India. What is the big deal about that?