It's not that far to Pluto

I want to reassure anyone about to plunge into the murky, conspiratorial world of home education.

Do not worry. You are not alone.

You'll find another one here already. Following the same home educating routine as you. Go on, physically locate yourself anywhere on this planet.


I guarantee, you will meet other thinkers and doers just like you.

You're sure to meet your co-twin - maybe hiding in the cafe at the steam train museum, under the table in the bead workshop, wet in a field peering at a moth, or trying not to look at buckets of crap at the poop-cleaning farm - and you'll go, Wow! Meeting you is spooky!

Because when you hear their story - how they started home educating Tinkertop - you'll be shocked how similar it is to your own.

Your co-twin will have observed the things you did. They have thought the thoughts you have. They have struggled with the arguments you did. They have drawn the same conclusions.

You look at each other, then know truly, you are thought-twins beamed from a parallel universe. This could have been used as a plotline in the Twilight Zone!

But this is no accident.


I have met with co-twins now so many times, I have come to understand this is why I was abducted in the first place, taken to Zelta Minor, implanted with a three-headed being, and sent back to Planet Earth.

It is our mission to CONVERT ALL THE UNBELIEVERS. It is obvious to us that home educators are a master race of aliens put here to infiltrate ordinary normals.

Soon SOON we will take over the mind of Ed Balls. Yes, him, and ex-education ministers everywhere!

SSSSShhhh! Don't tell anyone! Let's keep it secret until the time is right!


Ha! But our plan is working!

Here is a local group of home educated kids, looking innocent enough, meeting at Tai Po Waterfront Park, chosen especially because of its super-long avenue.


This is our covert job. To explore the universe, home ed style. Meaning: glue peppercorns, seed heads and hazelnuts on bits of paper to better represent scaled models of planets in our solar system.


Then, line up planets in order, separate out the billions of light years between them into distances we can comprehend, and walk the waterfront, measuring* and laying out the planets as we go.


See? To the unbelieving world, it simply looks like we small group of home educators are doing smart-arsed planet talk and astro-maths, or putting learning into practice, right in the middle of the community.

Not at all. We are plotting the co-ordinates that will take us back to the mothership for when our work here is done!



* This is a photograph of Our Lord John Holt's measuring wheel. It is TRUE. I have seen documentary evidence.

Dig says he thought John Holt did not believe in measuring anything. Pft! Blasphemer. Of course John Holt needed a measuring wheel. How else is he going to communicate with us the distance we need to calculate for our safe return to Zelta Minor?