Disappointments abounding

Single act play in less than two minutes.

Dramatis Personae
Mellors, The Gardener (aka man with chainsaw)
Grit, Woman of Shires (aka one of the living dead)

Setting, lobby of house.
Enter Mellors, sweaty, wearing skimpy vest smeared in dirt, holding chainsaw, fresh from cutting hedge. He regards Grit, obsessively rearranging plastic flowers in lobby (covertly trying to get an eyeful of Mellors in his underwear).

Mellors: Hi Grit! You look fantastic!
Grit: Oh!
Mellors: FANTASTIC!
Grit: [undoing top button on blouse discreetly] Really?
Mellors: You're looking SPORTY.
Grit: [hitching up skirt as if completely casual but probably thinking this is going the right way for hot sex with Mellors in the garden shed. Affects coy attitude.] I am?
Mellors: [Triumphant] YES.
Grit: [Triumphant] YES.
Mellors: By the way, did I tell you I'm putting up my rates? I'm afraid next time I come round to trim your privet I'll have to charge you ninety quid.

The end.