Freecycle hell

I've been temporarily suspended from the freecycle list for over-posting. The very nice moderator, who has to sort out these things, suggested that 54 posts in one day were a little bit too many and perhaps I might list some of the items we're trying to offload in one long message. I don't know how I'm supposed to condense the 23 messages I've so far sent about the Teletubby jigsaw. What's wrong with it for heaven's sake? Why won't anyone take it? They take any old cak on freecycle so what's wrong with our Teletubby jigsaw? I shouldn't have been so honest, that's what. I shouldn't have mentioned that Laa laa's got a foot missing or that Dipsy's got something sticky on his hat that I can't get off. Nor should I have said that someone's drawn a moustache, fangs, a devil's tail and horns on Po. OK, that was me, but she asked for it.

Then when it's not the Teletubby jigsaw it's the freecycler from hell. Now I should have remembered this one by the user name. I once offered to take away from him a 'Teach Yourself Russian' cassette tape and what a palaver that was. Fourteen phone calls, countless email messages and a campaign that ended in a dead bird on the footpath. Well, I don't know that the dead bird was actually his doing, but it felt like it at the time.

He's just offered to take away the children's jigsaws, but 'Not the Teletubby one where Laa laa's got no foot', he said. So I bagged them up, with the Teletubby one where Laa laa's got no foot, and put the bag outside with his name on it. Then he doesn't show up to collect it and the emails start. 'My car doesn't work' says the first. 'And it's got no tax' says the second. 'I might have to send my son on the bus for it' says another. 'He's only aged 3' comes later. I think he's angling for me to drive the 15 miles to Downley, give him the jigsaws, and then probably pay for his car to pass its MOT. I'm not giving in. And I find Laa Laa's foot behind the fridge. So I reoffer it all on freecycle, with explanations, and I see all my messages stacked up with a very nice note from the very nice moderator.

Oh heck. I might just as well put Laa laa with her foot into the boot and drive the 15 miles over to Downley. Come to think of it, dark comes early round here, so I could take Laa Laa, Dipsy, Tinky Winky and Po right to his front door and leave them there forever with some Hard as Nails glue.