Friday, 22 April 2016

Home ed kid meets Sixth form

Hey, remember how we get told that Interviews are the place where you, the candidate, get to shine? This is your moment when you can boast about your achievements? Your 30 minutes to show yourself at your best?

Have a look at what happens to the home educated child going to the local sixth form for an interview:

Geography teacher aka admissions interviewer: G
Daughter, aged 16: D
Husband in attendance: H

G: Ah! Home educated! How does that work then? I don't suppose you've had any experience working in groups.
D: Er, er, yes I have, we do a lot of things in groups.
G: Hm. Why are you home educated?
D: Er... er... my parents ....
H: I was the chair of governors at the local primary school.
G: Oh, right then [turning to daughter] When was your last experience of school?
D: Erm, I've never been to school.
G [facial expression: puzzlement at hearing an unknown language] : Who teaches you?
D: Er, I teach myself.
G [facial expression: puzzlement at hearing an unknown language] :What? Where are your tutors?
D: Er, er, er...
G: Tutors! Who teaches you?
D: Er... um... um... [starting to panic] I have a remote tutor for Biology! I send her papers and she marks them!
G: Ah! What about the other subjects? Where is the tutor?
D: Er, I don't have tutors! I teach myself. I look at the specification, and the mark scheme.
G [facial expression: puzzlement at hearing an unknown language] : But you're not the teacher!
D: Er, er, er.. [tears welling]
G: How about working in groups? Can you work with other people? Have you any experience of working in groups? What if the teacher said 'Work in a group'. Can you do that?
D: Um, well, we did a community action project with our Global Citizenship IGCSE. We had a group to litter pick and do things, like we handed out cloth bags at Tesco.
G: Who did you use to do that?
D: Er... er...?
G: Where was the teacher?
D: Um, we just went to Tesco and asked them ourselves!
G [facial expression: puzzlement at hearing an unknown language] : But you're not the teacher!
D: Er... er...
G: Well you've put in to do A levels in Maths, Physics, and Design and Technology. You can't do Design and Technology because you're five years behind. I can put you down for Biology A level instead. We ask for 8 GCSEs and you'll have only 7. I suppose we can bend the rules.We won't fill all the places so you'll probably get an offer. Now shall I tick this box that you're able to work in a group? Oh dear. You're crying. Have I upset you?

Welcome to mass education, Shark.

Saturday, 9 April 2016

One woman's sexual history? More important to the nation than your child's education!

Hey! Thanks to BBC Radio 4 today, Grit got out her soapbox! She stood upon it for half an hour delivering a rousing speech to one kitchen radio, three sparrows on a bird feeder and Tiger, who wasn't listening.


Because I had to listen to the details of Jane Welby's sexual history from 55 years ago in Radio 4's prime politics slot after 8am.

Yes, one woman's sexual shenanigans is important. It must occupy lead story, spoke unto the nation. On an issue of such grave national significance, we will all soon have the right - nay, duty - to ask, What position was she in?

I am screaming. Is there a family in Britain who doesn't have a child born the other side of the blanket?

But the Welby family history is so much more of an important story than this one, which we can all forget about because it's in Edinburgh.

Do we need investigative journalism? Because this is what happens with your Public Private Partnership.

BBC, you should be poking about in the scandal of private companies sucking up public resources to build sub-standard buildings that literally fall down on the poor kids who could be sat inside. Which makes the practices and safety standards as corrupt as that we've just witnessed in India.

But let's not bother about corruption, construction inspection, or the lack of accountability in any public-private deal which benefits some fat git who's right now sucking up public money while your kids sit in danger of losing their lives, because hey, BBC! What position was she in?