Monday, 1 January 2007


Dig's gone beserk. After skulking in his office for days, as soon as January 1st dawns he's back in there, turning out the cupboards, clearing up the floor and feeding the shredder. Strangely he took that moment to remind me of the date of our wedding anniversary.

He's been strange all day and a bit shouty. It's as if the bong of that final hour has bonged a momentous bong in his brain. I'm going to keep my eye on this. He has moments of aberration after all. He once deposited a dead bird in his waste paper basket. It took us days to find out where the smell was coming from. I wondered if he'd had some sort of memory turn and buried a pile of exam scripts in the garden.

I have to say there are some very unwelcome memories coming out the cupboards. The paperwork of two car crashes returned today to haunt me: the first time I'm sure it wasn't me but an elderly finance adminstrator with a cold, who was driving a worn-out Ford. She changed lanes in front of me near Wreston and I removed a bit of her bumper. When her friend came out the passenger side she was wobbling an awful lot and shouting 'We only came for tea! We've got to be in Wales!' She looked very suspicious. And I didn't really think a dent in a bumper meant the car lost the ability to drive over the border. The second crash was much more horrible. The local kidnapper removed the front of our car while they were doing their kidnapping job and being chased by the police at the same time. I thought that was very unlucky. And I know it was nothing to do with me. I was making tuna sandwiches in the kitchen.

So my resolutions have to be keep an eye of Dig, at least over the coming week. And be more organised in the paper department, and immediately destroy all incriminating, upsetting and offensive papers that might pop out at me in the future.

Sadly, I've broken today a resolution I made in 1966 in Mrs Smith's end of term, Friday afternoon, bring-something-to-do-from-home session. I had a very traumatic experience with a pair of knitting needles. Today Aunty Dee persuaded me to have a knitting lesson for the good of the children. Tsk. The sacrifices I have to make.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

It has been known that someone bearing my name and not looking unlike me, once wrote off no less than three cars, one of which belonged to an ex-copper, whilst driving in reverse. I have destroyed all paperwork relating to this unfortunate incident but sadly have a husband who will happily regale the story at any opportunity.