Let us read

Today I said 'We are going to do some reading'. I don't know why I said that. I've said it before. And I should have learnt, by now.

Teaching a child to read goes on all the time, of course, by shopping and cooking and working out when Coast is on the TV, but sometimes one might be foolishly compelled to do this reading thing self-consciously. With awareness and pursuit of a goal. Like sitting down on the sofa and not sounding out the word over.

Grit: Shall we read My mum is mad, Tiger?
Tiger: No.
Grit: Oh, let's. I'd love to read it with you!
Tiger: If I can draw a picture afterwards.
Grit: Of course. I will even sharpen the crayons. How cool a mum am I?
Tiger (laboriously sounding out every word while mummy Grit bites her knuckles in despair): 'On .... Monday .... I .... went ... oven ...
Shark (entering room even though she has already been banned, twice): Over. It's over. Not oven.
Tiger (Long howl): Shark said it! Shark said it! (Longer howl) She said it first and now there is no point! (Hurls book across room and flees, weeping.)
Grit: Thanks, Shark. Nice one.

Later.

Grit: Squirrel, would you like to read Fun at the Park?
Squirrel: No.
Grit: Are we going to make chocolate cake soon?
Squirrel (Pauses to consider options): Alright then.
Grit: Excellent! Off we go!
Squirrel: I ... went ... to ... the ...
Shark: park.
Squirrel: Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth! (Throws self at Shark who is hiding behind sofa. Ten minute fight ensues, resulting in Shark and Squirrel being banned from the front room.)

Later.

Grit: Shark, would you like to read Operation Badger to me?
Shark: No. Reading is boring.