One down, two to go

I gave my daughter away. I gave her away to a young man with a fake silver earring and a squeaky voice.

I hope I've done the right thing. There was a moment when she didn't look too sure. Then I wasn't sure either. Let's just say, if she comes home with tales of sorrow and misadventure, I'll hunt that smooth talking earringed fellow down. Then his voice will have true reason to squeak.

But that is Squirrel. Gone. Adventuring for the whole week.


Quad biking, tramping around fields blindfold, swinging from ropes and cliffs, raft building. She'll probably be OK, and forget about us within twenty minutes. She did last time. Then she'll come back home muddy and miserable: there is no zip wire in our garden. How boring can we be?

It's all thanks to the school holidays. And I'm taking my own advice. Useful. (Except for the fact that this is a no-sex zone, stairs or no stairs.) Anyway, this is my expertise. Getting rid of kids. It's a number one priority when you don't use the free childcare system at the end of the road.

Truly, it would be handy if there were no kids around right now. Then I can concentrate on being Gritus Domesticus. I can clean up the house, throw out rubbish, sweep floors, and make pipes accessible for plumbers.

But this week I have two kids instead of three. Shark will be out most days, having watery fun on a local lake. Which leaves one. Tiger. PGL did have a bogof offer going. That would've worked, but she wouldn't go. I tried. I couldn't kick her out on that mountainside. If she had agreed to my cunning plan, could've been zero. But Tiger wants her familiar garden run and home cooked pasta suppers.

I console myself. One child by day, twins in the evening. Twins are more stable than triplets. Except when they hate each other and sharpen the spears. Hey, maybe I could run my own Enemy Adventure in the garden. We could call it Camp Battle, then draw enemy lines, dig trenches, lob mortars made of mud and weed. Hmm. I bet you see that added to the list of summer camps soon.