Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Sutton Hoo to Rendlesham Forest

By Squirrel's request, Sutton Hoo. Here I am shocked to learn that we are no longer trusted with the national treasures.

We have been kicked off the National Trust database. Possibly as a result of my working-class family background.

Or maybe they've never forgiven my other crimes. Setting off the burglar alarm by over-enthusiastic pencil waving. Attending the eighteenth century garden picnic with a Tesco value salad. Or what about that Nationally Untrusting Old Lady who confiscated my ball? I was aged 43 for heaven's sake. Perhaps it was after we were invited to leave that upper-class boudoir when Shark looked at a mirror.

Humph. It was one tacky, tasteless place anyhow. And I'm not telling them about the amount of pee we've left on their coastlines. Whatever. They kicked us out. I feel deeply rejected from England, after I tried so hard to get in. I have sympathies with Al-Fayed.

I hide my indignation and ingratiate myself with the ladies behind the desk. I sniff, sorrowfully, and get them to ring up the Big Chief to ask why we are no longer wanted as part of the nation when I know for sure that Dig cannot be bothered to cancel the direct debit.

One of them says there-there, and confides that the NT changed their database and may have lost our details. Well, that is another fine example of irresponsible custodianship, so let's hope all our bank details disappeared into the intersphere, and were not left on the 6.15 out of Paddington.

Anyway, now I have that off my chest, we proceed with the day. We grace the National Trust with our enjoyment of their exhibition, take their guided tour, and approve how they laid out the dead body of the last ejected member.

They kick us out prompt at 5pm, so we take our favours to Rendlesham Forest instead, where I hope to find Grendel. He's not there, and neither is his mum, but the Forestry Commission have made a fantastic UFO-themed playspace, which the gritlets heartily recommend.

Yes, we shall join the National Trust again. Or try to. I am sure it was an accident.

And a coincidence that I have also been ejected from the Electoral Roll, ostensibly for my omission of being in Hong Kong when the paperwork came round.

No, don't suggest it. It cannot possibly be that the National Trust is the secret power running a puppet government and ejecting all undesirables.

That would be as ludicrous as suggesting we can at any time be visited by aliens.

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Why is it that every time I read your blog I have this intense desire to come live in England? Oh right, I always have an intense desire to come live in England.