Tuesday, 2 October 2012

The glamour, the glamour

OMG, I must, must, MUST tell all you school-choosing mothers this news!

You know some of the things you've read about those middle-class mummies choosing to home-school Tinkertop?

OMG they are TRUE!!!

The home educating life is EASY! We roll out of bed when we like, spend our days reading Fifty Shades of Grey, fuss about our homey-homes, fluff our cushions, plan our menus, and arrange our wardrobes, and all we have to do is set the offspring to complete a CGP maths book (and who needs friends anyway?), then we simply mark our darlings 10/10 and it's time for papa to come home! He's on evening duty and when he arrives to lead the offspring through some improving enterprise, then off we mummies dash! Out for our evening meet-ups! Tapping our kitten heels, swinging our Jasper Conran leather bags, and adjusting our satin knickers!!!

Believe me, all of that is TRUE.


Or it could involve a day-long ear-bashing argument about a woolly bat; hanging on a telephone to arrange next week's social meet-ups; responding in writing about the forestry group; printing out GCSE Latin texts; reorganising the art session; reading Nathaniel's Nutmeg aloud while everyone runs off so you have a big shout; telling her to stop doing that before it ends in tears; watching the front room be trashed when two of them play 'Horse Jump'; listening to a litany of complaining about the mothering failure to schedule a visit to the community orchard and produce 5kilos of chutney; producing three meals plus a packet of biscuits, and finally spending an evening sat in a cold car in a Luton Sainsbury's carpark waiting for the sulky home-schooled child to emerge from the Woodcraft Folk demanding yet more cash while realising that all day you have worn yesterday's Asda value knickers down the leghole of one jeans. Yes, it might involve all that, too.


kelly said...

Have you seen Lapaz Home Learning's blog? She's got chunks of meat drying in her living room....makes you look perfectly normal ;)

Deb said...

But mostly it's the glamourous stuff. I notice you left out all the bon-bon eating. Don't want to incite envy, I suppose.