No fun at the park

It didn't go so well today.

Before lunch, I pack Sasha off to the kiddie theme park with a picnic. With her are Shark, Squirrel and Tiger. It's supposed to be a sort of team building exercise. I'll put everyone in a position where they have to talk, I think, if only to divvy out the sandwiches and argue over the grapes. Then I wave everyone goodbye at the gate and try to sneak off to the gym.

Kiddie theme park days are usually straightforward. When I'm in charge, the kids run off, I put up my feet and everyone comes back to graze on chewy bars and oat biscuits when they're hungry, and then run off again. I can pass a pleasant couple of hours like that with the thermos, a pack of secret biscuits and yesterday's newspaper. At the end of it all, I can call it physics and say things like 'Were there any forces on the drop down thing?' and the kids will answer 'My knees went funny' to which I respond, 'I'm sure that's a force. Better ask daddy.' And I'll feel jolly pleased with myself that I am such an enterprising mummy for introducing physics in such an imaginative way.

And then I go and ruin it all by sending them along with Sasha.

Because just as I park the car at the gym and pay 50p for the privilege of parking right outside, I get a text from Sasha: Can you pick up Tiger. She is in a rage. It is horrible. Sasha.

It's back in the car for Grit to meet a snarling Tiger and a wilting Sasha who's managing a wan smile at the gate. Shark and Squirrel look bored, kicking the ground like they've waited long enough.

I can't tell you what happened, what went wrong. Shark and Squirrel run off again, towing Sasha by the arms. I come home with Tiger who falls into another rage and shouts and screams and throws things. When she's calmed down, she says she didn't want to go that way, she wanted to go the other way.

Perhaps Sasha, a better tack was to say 'OK Tiger, I'll meet you at the corner. And don't forget, I've got the picnic'.