Friday, 17 September 2010

Marked cards

So the conversation with the new neighbour in the adjoining apartment goes something like this.

B: Hi! I'm your new neighbour!
G: Hi! I'm Grit!
B: And I'm Ben. Pleased to meet you! This is lovely, isn't it? I chose this place because I love how it's so quiet up here!
G: Er, yes! Lovely. Um. I have children.
(Awkward pause)
G: Triplets.
B: (Frowns) Oh!
(Awkward pause)
G: Er. Did the property agency tell you? That there were children in the house?
B: (Frowning quite a lot now) No. I specifically told them I wanted somewhere quiet.
G: Oh.
B: So I can work from home.
G: (Thinking, Can this get any worse?) Um. I can ask the kids to be quiet?
B: (Suddenly brightening) Hey! But they're quiet now, right? And I came round twice to view and it was quiet both times! So, they're all at school!
G: Um. Um. Er well. Um. Home educated?
B: (Shoulders visibly sag, face falls, eyes bear hint of doom.) Oh.
(Awkward pause)
G: Um.

Depart in different directions. Both sides scrutinise tenancy agreement re: sudden contract termination, undue disturbance, rapid onset screaming, violation of accords, restrictions, infractions, human rights, infestations of hippies, unauthorised distribution of plagues, etc. etc.


sharon said...

Oooops, maybe someone should have asked more detailed questions . . .

I'm sure he'll get used to it. Maybe the Sparkle Shop carries a nice line in glittery ear-plugs ;-)

Kelly said...

You were there first.

Kestrel said...

Leave him some earplugs and a bottle of red.

And like Kelly said - you were there first.

Big hugs.

kellyi said...

Is it very wrong that this made me laugh?

My childless neighbours bought the house next door, even though I had 5 kids in the garden on the day they came to view.

I told them that this was about as bad as it gets, and that the kids are at home but they don't seem to care.

Like Kelly said (the other Kelly) You WERE there first!

angelsurchinsblog said...

I'd ask him to babysit. To know them is to love them, after all!

ladybirdcook said...

the babysitting idea is genius.

maybe cook him some noodles too. He'll soon move on.

Grit said...

i'm so glad blogland exists. i would never have come up with these solutions. i will remove the pointed sticks from the gritlet weapon assortment, invite him for dinner, casually leave the diaries open, hand him the noodles and ear plugs, and make the introductions!