Relocation

Isn't one of the worst things about moving location - all starry eyed and looking forward to fantastic family jungle fun - is what happens when one of your kids doesn't share your wonder and sense of adventure?

And aren't children shy about letting you know what they think of the delightful new experiences you enthusiastically lined up for them! Don't they just meekly present themselves like cute, big-eyed, soulful bush babies, silently yearning for some little hug which will soon pay attention to all their fears!

Well Tiger doesn't do any of that crap, obviously. Tiger lets us know exactly what she thinks about the museums, galleries, theatres, islands, butterflies and poxy beach.

She is conducting a kind of daily low-level terrorist assault. Some days are worse than others; maybe she bottled up the resentment she had yesterday and shook it up this morning before slicing off the bottle top with a machete. Then she got out of bed.

Now, I'm not sure what to do about this ongoing issue. Some days I can ignore it, and have my head screamed off. Other days I can try and attend to it and come within a whisper of a nervous breakdown. On any day I can try and drone on, reassuring Tiger about anything and everything. Or I can simply get cross and snap. That's quicker, but the result is painful and I may well come away without my scalp.

Ultimately I feel my hands are tied. There is a line, and it's non-negotiable. Tiger, we are not all going home just because you want to and just because you're making things pretty miserable for the rest of your worn out family. We have contracts, leases, employments, commitments. And I cannot post you home because the spoilsports at the Post Office don't allow it. Believe me Tiger, all last week I was eyeing up boxes and packing tape.

Anyway, I would like to say that today I took Shark, Squirrel and Tiger to the Hong Kong Space Museum. I did not. I took Shark and Squirrel. Tiger created her own demonstration of exploding star in the front room and there was no way I could safely get the hydrogen gases back in the nucleus in time to catch the ferry.

If you have relocated children across continents, and they did not fly away buoyant with enthusiasm, then I would really like to know what you did to help.

Because right now I am at a total loss.