Saturday, 20 November 2010

Simply put. Just in case.

One of the many reasons why this blogs gasps on, occupying the realm between the dead and the living, is that some bloke from the education department of the local authority in the town where I live (but not right now) might at some point peer between my privet. He will do that solely because we home educate.

He will probably not want to hear that life is complex. And sometimes contradictory. For example, we live in more than one location; take our learning where we can get it; let people who want to know, know; join what we can, where we can; keep ourselves discreet; and go around the earth clutching the arseface sisters, blatantly advertising our non-school status.

What chance is there of communicating much of this complexity? I bet the council still cannot get their heads around the fact that I can live upstairs and downstairs but not in the middle.

But I will have to say something to this government official. I will keep it simple. And procedural. I'll merely add Mr Squeers to my list, which also includes Customs and Excise, the tax authorities, an assortment of banks, other local authorities, the DVLA, the internet company who thinks we owe them money, the car shop who thinks we still have the car I smashed up, the debt collectors who send threatening letters to Ms H, despite the fact that she sold us the flat in 2001. They all want to know stuff too.

I have found that most of these people do not want to hear the discussions, the arguments, the thinking, the ideas, the ins and the outs, the analysis of politics, philosophy and economics. They just want a simple answer, a final sum, and a tick in a box.

So, when Mr Squeers asks, this blog will be my invaluable aid. I will look back here and see, Yes! An education was provided! (Whether it's taken up or not is neither here nor there, but it is indeed provided.) To remind myself then, here is today's educational activity which I would be delighted to give Mr Squeers so he could maybe tick it for Primary School Chemistry.

With the aid of a laboratory I talked the children through a method of creating pure heroin.

I explained how pure heroin has the additional process of removing impurities by dissolving in alcohol. Impure heroin is mixed with crap shovelled up from behind the dustbins including chemical waste and brick dust. And pure heroin will kill you.

(Thanks to the Police Museum, Hong Kong.)