Fish

Back with our '10 things to do in Lisbon' guide. Actually, after two minutes, we could abandon it, because we know exactly what we're doing today, guide or no guide. We're going to see the fish. There's no escape. It's the Oceanarium, otherwise Shark will explode.

Shark has been fascinated with fish since, well, forever. Not like anything else. Thomas the Tank Engine came and went. At age three, Shark, Squirrel and Tiger all loved Thomas so much there were daily squabbles about him, sometimes with weapons. Probably in practice for when boyfriend Kevin comes round in ten years time, poor sod. But unlike the future Kevin, I could make five of the cheeky little Thomas engine faces appear: Shark, Squirrel and Tiger each had one to carry about, while two more could be stuck under the sofa and it didn't matter. Well Thomas passed on, and now he's in a box with Percy and Diesel and all his chums waiting for Grit to get her act together on ebay. But while Thomas went, fish stayed.

Tiger likes fish. Squirrel says fish are fun. But for Shark, fish are essential. Shark wants to be a diver, or a marine biologist, or a chef. One who doesn't cook fish, obviously. If there's a whiff of Dig's salmon about, she complains for up to an hour about whether the fish liked the experience of being caught and eaten. It's like having your own little fish union leader, sitting in front of you with a glower and a set of demands.

So today there's no contest. With Lisbon boasting one of the world's most impressive tanks of fish, we go and see fish. Correction. Today we worship fish. Big ones, little ones, ones with funny faces and smiles, ugly ones that skulk around corners or lie flattened under the sand. And I ignore the fish, but take photographs of Shark, with her nose pressed against the glass, swimming with the Sun fish.