Busy doing nothing

I have set the entire family a goal of achieving nothing. We are very successful at this. I may make it an educational aim and gear all my provision towards it.

Here is what the family achieved today.

Dig. Sat at computer making stuff happen so he can go to Spain, show it to people, and they pay him. Don't ask questions. We have a mortgage. Unlike some politicians, we can't pass that onto the UK citizens.*

Grit. Set green beans on fire. Round here the fire alarm is called the dinner bell.

Squirrel. Made a film. This is what she says about it, word for word.

I'm making a film with pink embroidery thread. This is what the audience, if they were watching, that's what they'd watch. Pink embroidery thread whizzing past their eyes. It's amazing because they [toys, ed.] don't have any film. It's with batteries and electric circuits so it's got a sound oooo oooo oooo oooo oooo oooo. It's not that exciting. I haven't put any pictures on yet.

Shark. Read a lot of book. Given sufficient provocation, shouts Youareanidiot. PoopyBrain. DamnOhmyGodBloodyPissOff.

Tiger. Made apple pie. Chatted about rubbish in cute and beguiling manner. Excellent result for nothing. Well done, Tiger.

*Given half a chance, we would.