Thursday, 16 June 2011

You are right. This is a Bad Idea

My line on pets has stayed constant for years. No.

No pets. NO PETS.

NONONONOPETS.

Except.

Shark says she wants something to love. She says she tried loving a fuchsia plant but it was not very rewarding and it died.

I said that was too much love. Fuchsia plants do not like watering as if you are reenacting tropical storms over Hong Kong. Back off a little with the love.

Anyway, everyone knows that fuchsias are fickle. It probably would shrug its leaves and say love is a thing, as any spirit, free. That is a truth of life. I don't know. Go and love a geranium.

Shark says she has tried, but the problem with vegetation is that it does not have a heart. Can she have a fish.

No, of course not. Keeping anything with a heart in a tank, cage, hutch, prison, is against my principles. You would overlove it, then neglect it, and we would have a big shout about responsibility, CRUELTY, SUFFERING and DEATH. Better to avoid all that in the first place and love all things, free.

Shark has said this is truly hard to bear, especially when she would like the opportunity to be responsible and show how sensitive she can be to the needs of creatures with a heart.

I have put my fingers in my ears. Arguments that shift the moral ground back to me are usually quite difficult to endure. Better to avoid them all in the first place.

So the way I have thought about it, is this. (Shifty.)

Hello Sam, and all you lovely home educating families within a short drive of Shark, Squirrel and Tiger!

I bet your children would like the opportunity to love a pet and show you how responsible they can be!


But we all know that keeping a pet is a big responsibility! (Too big for me.) Yet I would like Shark and her sisters to know this responsibility too. (There have been tears.)

How would a travelling hamster sound? He would be like a Flat Stanley
(only hopefully Not Flat).

Hammy would live with us while we are in England, where he would be overloved with juicy treats, home-made hamster assault courses, and where I will safeguard him against reenactments of tropical rainstorms.

When we are absent, Hammy comes to live with you!

Sounding good, no? (Stay with it.)

When you feel Hammy has brought enough qualities of pet responsibility to your home and is in danger of overstaying his welcome, you can assist the next welcoming family and pass him on!

(Good grief, it is sounding really bad now.)

Just think what benefits Hammy can bring to your education! He could have his own blogspot! Your child can write his entries for him!
(Aha! Excuses for literacy! I might have a foot in the door here.)

Think of the Design and Technology opportunities for those Hammy exercise courses! You can do Physics! Science! Natural History! The Personal, Social and Something Else! (Even I can feel the desperation in those exclamation marks.)

But take a moment and consider this exciting opportunity! Then only tell me how much of a brilliant solution to satisfy everyone is this!

(Quickly, before I come to my senses, the deed is done and, in anticipation of your happy agreement, posting pictures of Hammy, the NOPET hamster.)

9 comments:

sharon said...

I do like your thinking on this one ;-)

Belgravia Wife - sort of said...

OK I'm really laughing. Fun spelling word - entropy, I did not see the timeshare hamster thing coming, I was convinced you were going down the ladybird / snail route. When does he arrive ? Will he get a mini gym ? My friend's daughter sends the neighbour's dog postcards when they go on holiday, I understand the pet longing....x

Grit said...

but does it work, sharon? is it practicable? someone will no doubt pop up to tell me that hamsters are not stupid and they create special bonds which, by severing, will cause mental cruelty. quick, better get down pets'r'us in haste and ignorance before i learn rudimentary hamster psychology.

hi belgravia wife! he arrives quite soon now if shark has her way. dig is going back to hong kong to be shut of the whole experience and i am making pathetic weedy pleading noises to local home educators. some of them are made of strong stuff, unfortunately.

lisbonlioness said...

Nah... hamsters hate affection and being a pet altogether, so there's certainly cruelty involved.
Get them two or three rats, they ar perfect pets!
And they LOVE the gym! Well, at least mine loved exercise. Gotta be more than one, though, otherwise they go batshit crazy- another case of pet cruelty ;)

Rachel M. said...

Look out for the following (from pet expert husband) - they are solitary creatures by nature, they are not very sweet when you try to pet them (they bite, try to run), wise not to have more than one in a cage because they eat each other, if you by 3 - put three in separate cages which means buying 3 hamsters, 3 cages, etc. We recommend Guinna pigs, mice, rats, gerbils or rabbits

Good luck.

Green V-Neck said...

Good luck with Hammy! There is hamster cemetery in my back yard, with five corpses wrapped in paper towels, stuffed into boxes found in the recycling bin. Every time I see the kids digging around in the yard I remind them that if the shovel hits a box, move to another excavation site.

Grit said...

So! Travelling Hamster carrying own coffin it is then!

kelly said...

Hamsters are GREAT pets...we've had a two over the years and the kids and I have loved them.

I know keeping things in cages is rather cruel, but we regularly lost ours and he was rather fond of the tea towel cupboard....

Count me out though, unless you're prepared to trek to Wales. Or may be we could meet half way at a service station and pretend we'd endured some serious court battle over hamster custody. That would be fun.

Grit said...

kelly, i would be up for that.