Friday, 9 December 2011

Santa will be very happy with me

I negotiate with Dig to triplet-mind Shark, Squirrel and Tiger, while I travel to Hong Kong island to do the Christmas shopping.

Success!

That may have been the success of the day, it is true.

But I am never downhearted! My achievements can be yet dragged - kicking and screaming - from what merely appears to be abject misery and failure.

Here then are my achievements on the Christmas shopping front. I am in celebratory mood.

1. I attempt the ordeal in Wan Chai, hot-spot for prostitution and plumbing. I am trying to think of something like an achievement for that. Maybe it is that I was never mistaken for either a prostitute or a plumber in the entire afternoon.

2. I pass a lot of shops selling taps. I realise that you can get anything you want, tap-wise, in Hong Kong. Gold dolphins arising from shells? No problem. I become an expert on taps. (Not on prostitution.)

3. I recover my bearings after becoming hopelessly lost and wandering aimlessly in the wrong direction because I cannot read a map. It only takes an hour!

4. I never bumped into anyone (not counting the handbag incident), and I never had to walk with my fist stretched out in front of me aimed at face-height, like I do in Mong Kok.

5. I found the art supplies shop despite having scribbled over the address, and I was brave enough to enter the little door at street level, where the concierge ignored me.

6. I managed to get a lift going in the right direction. Better still, this time I did not end up on floor 35 for the karaoke bar, where I did not need to frantically press buttons in the manner of a total imbecile who cannot use a lift. At floor 15, a crowd of Chinese people did not get in, cramming in a space for 10, and forcing the lift back up to floor 35 before trying to take me hostage to sing Cantonese love-pop songs. (It is taking me some time to recover from that afternoon, actually.)

7. The art supplies shop was open.

8. I did not spend Dig's monthly wage on paper, paint, sparkly things, and glue.

9. I have acquired a lot of Chinglish schedulers (pointless but irresistible), and an assortment of pretty craft items that will prompt the children to fantastic craft (pointless but hopeful.)

10. I never told Dig that I found the exact same items $44,256 dollars cheaper and three shops down the road from the ferry pier. Neither did I mention that if I had just bought the stuff there I would have saved five hours of his child-minding time while I wandered blindly about Wan Chai becoming a tap expert and wondering if at any point I might be mistaken for a plumber or a hooker.

Success. I can barely wait for Christmas Day.

2 comments:

Nora said...

Tou are hilarious. Your shopping expedition sounds like a slapstick movie. Too bad for all the money and time spent. We do live and get wiser. XOX

Blue Dragonfly said...

I'd call that extremely successful, although Karoke does sound better fun than Christmas present shopping any day.
I only internet Christmas shop these days, because I simply cannot cope with
a, the getting lost and needing a 9 year old to help me locate the car again
and b, having a tug of war arguement over the last piece of blue tinsel with some mean old woman in a tat shop.