Saturday, 21 January 2012

The message we don't want to hear

There I was, about to compose a post about politics, power, and the exercise of my legal duty under Section 7 ...but!

I saw I have fallen off one of the more important lists of bloggers in a mummy world. Then I wondered ...maybe I should try and worm myself back into the club with some cutting-edge celeb material! I could make my post essential reading for today's modern mama looking to escape the drudge of baby crap. And maybe - with my new breathless style and flog-blog-ability - I could power my return! I could wink at a few PRs with my constant name dropping. I could earn myself enough revenue from the nappy ad to buy a Starbucks biscuit!

And what better way to lever myself back into the mummy blog world? Than right here! My fantastic glamour lifestyle in Hong Kong, international city of cutting edge fashion!

Viva Vivienne Westwood!

Readers around the globe will be clawing their way here for today's hot topic! Which is... How many top nob fashion models do I see in Hong Kong wearing posh gear?

Ladies, the answer is, HEAPS.

Like, I saw that famous one with the forehead striding around the IFC shopping mall. (Oo la la CHLOƉ!) She was so tall she had to stoop. She had that modelly walk where you fix your pelvic girdle two metres ahead of you and bend your calves backward (I can totally do that, no problem). She looked like she was legging it from the paparazzi or something but I can tell you her dress sense was TERRIBLE. It was all shorts and trainers and some crappy shapeless jacket made of nylon. I don't know, say Juicy Couture.

The other bunch of models I saw recently were all in the Elements Halls in Kowloon. Maybe they don't count? At first I thought they were prostitutes. But then! I realised they were about their hard work biz while decked out in something like Christian Lacroix. But I can see the work in a catwalky show! The challenge is do the whole lot together: the modelly walk, pelvic hip thrust, push-out lips and frowny stare. All while perched on 10-inch Louboutin heels.

Those of us in the know can tell you this is to exude confident sexuality. It is not concentrate on staying upright (even if you are wearing the lie-down shoes).

And last night, there was a whole load of the modellys on the Star Ferry! Maybe with Marc Jacobs. He's big round here!

Now, about the Star Ferry. Everyone in the fashion world knows that it is NOT the whole point, if you are a visitor to Hong Kong, to see the breathtaking vista of the urban skyline from aboard one of the original wooden decked boats. That is so yesterday... seeing the giant thrust of a city ascending the mountain into the clouds, all the lights reflecting in the historic harbour, and everyone expecting you to feel that moment of awe; your commanding vision combined with your knowledge of insignificance among the surge of the choppy waters.

But this is not the point at all if you are a six-foot tall modelly type with a trendy hair-do wearing Versace! The point is to spend the journey not looking once out the windows, but occupying all the ferry seats in a large noisy gaggle, elbowing everyone out the way, shouting a lot, and pouting at cameras for 2,365 shots of you aboard the iconic Star Ferry!

Ladies! You need to escape from all the nappies and kid crap to enjoy the celeb! life! and style! You can surely now come to grit's day! and lever me back on the buy-now-mummy blog list, the one where they tell you how to make a load of money from your blog with the nappy ad while promoting the topics that we all want to read about! SEX, FROCKS, CELEBS, and how celebs are getting it WRONG with their BABIES.

Ha! When I am back there, I will do the covert, undercover job I was doing last time!

(Spreading the message that education is more important than shoes.)

No comments: