Alert the authorities! Control of Grit risk!

Grit has been CCTV'd today, in Bedford, being irresponsible. She has been doing something I am sure she is not allowed to do, given her role as parent-teacher-adult-in-charge to vulnerable gritlets.

She has been caught loafing off, all on her own. Yes! Can you believe it? On her own! Without any children and totally alone!

So where are they? you ask. Where is the defenceless Dig and the vulnerable and needy nine-year olds, Shark, Squirrel and Tiger? Are you having a new patio laid, Grit?

Well, the children are indisposed, elsewhere. And you can bet that shiftless fat arsed grit has been enjoying her unregulated adult activity, and you sure can assume that this activity was of a non-supervised nature and totally not endorsed by all the parental-teacher licensing agencies Delyth Morgan could muster.

Because, get this, today I send Squirrel, Tiger and Dig off to Wales in a hire car to attend a funeral of someone they've never met, and I send Shark, upwards, strapped to a harness, along with a dozen other home ed kids, all atop a wobbly tower made of milk crates, under the pathetic excuse that this is an educational team-building activity day down the local outdoor centre.

Here she goes!


Hurry up Shark! Once you're up the top, I can abandon you to scoot off down Bedford town and into that Sally Army charity shop and blow your £1 dinner money in the cast offs department.

Really, I should be imprisoned for my own good and the safety of children.