Tuesday, 1 September 2009

This is Grit's twisted family

Today, we are in Suffolk, with Big Bro, partner Val, and partner Val's treasured cat.


I don't talk too much about Val. Possibly for two reasons. One, she may read this blog while she strokes that cat, and two, she does not agree to our home educating ways.

I can tell. I can pick up the meaning of those eyebrow laden glances. And that laugh falls short of joyful agreement. But because we are British, or wanting to live in the same house for more than five hours without resorting to hammers, we neither of us talk too much about how well or badly home education is equipping my kids for their independent lives.

But those reasons aside, I have some loyalty to Val, because she gives Big Bro a pretty harsh time, and that is good. Without her, he probably would sink back into that blasted place some people call clinical depression and which Big Bro describes is like waking up, not knowing where you are, where you are going, but all you feel is alone in a cut away vastness where no-one can reach you. Val probably helps keep him chained up to some type of reality.

For a start - and this should tell you something about her personality and our relationship - she keeps a very orderly house. She does not like mess. No crumbs on the carpet. They may be your death warrant. And there are routines to go alongside those rules. If you don't eat that spaghetti for supper, you might see it again at breakfast.

Well, because Val is extended family, in respect I will not rip her opinions apart here. Even though I feel that today the air is bristling with an invisible comment that Shark, Tiger and Squirrel should be making their way back to school this week at 8.15am sharp. And that should include appropriate luncheon not exceeding 9gms per 100gms sugar content, which may be subject to an inspection and supervision order.

So I will merely show you what she keeps under the cat.


You see? My brother's girlfriend keeps company with a cat that is dead, flat, and labelled. And she thinks I am odd.

12 comments:

Gill said...

R.O.F.L.!

That's very funny :-)

mamacrow said...

'.....'!!!!

err... I hate to ask but I can't help myself. It is a toy right?! It's not a real dead mumified cat, right?!

oh and she sounds like a real jewel :)

Raquel said...

omg..I only lurk on your blog...but that post has outed me! Hilarious :D

Maire said...

: )

Minnie said...

R.O L.F. here, too. Hilarious.

You have one WEIRD relative there! lol

Can't get over someone petting a stuffed cat! Eeeew!

You are normal, my dear:o)) x

Rachel M. said...

Good luck! I'm holding out that my brothers will marry better the 2nd time around. 1st round of wives were - challenging

Lisa G said...

LMAO, that's not really a dead stuffed cat is it, because that would be kind of creepy even for a 'cat person'!

Grit said...

thank goodness i didn't receive a chunk of comments 'What? What's wrong with the cat?'

Elaine said...

LOL! My mum gave me the exact same cat a few years back! When we first moved into our home we had builders in for a week sorting out a rather sad bathroom. At the end of the week I heard one say to the other "you know, that cat's always in the same place, I've never seen it move" (or words very similar, it was a few years ago). I fell about laughing. They genuinely thought it was real!

Mud in the City said...

A dead, flat cat? That' obviously what my sitting room is missing - thanks so much for the idea!

mamacrow said...

gosh, I've always wondered who buys those 'life size life like' baby dolls advertised at the back of Sunday Supliment magazines.... she doesn't have one of those as well does she?!

Evans family said...

I 'thought' it looked like one of those cats, but was sort of hoping that no one actually buys them, let alone places it where a real cat might sit, and stroke it!?!?!??!?