Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Computer junkies 3

Dear Squirrel,

Sorry about the computer.

Daddy began to install your computer exactly 23 hours, 16 minutes and 11 seconds ago.

I know this because he has been giving me minute-by-minute updates on the whole installation process.

At first I did that supportive making-noise thing a good wife does. I recommend it. Repeat almost exactly word-for-word what the husband says, and attach the word Wow! in an elevated sort of wooooowww. With an exclamation mark. It sounds like you care, and that keeps everyone happy.

After a while your brain can tune out stuff about categorisation cluster modules, and yet your mouth still can repeat the salient husband points so that you sound interested enough in a wifey sort of way, and maybe he will want to sleep with you again. Two hours to install Microsoft! A long time! Wow!

But then I had to say things like Yet another frigging attempt at installing the software! Wow! and That's the third attempt and if it doesn't work this time someone's going to pay! Wow!

I think I kept the peace, Squirrel. Just.

But I am sorry to say that about seven hours ago, things took an ugly turn. While you were asleep, approximately 1.15am in the morning, after F***Attempt number f***five! Wow! Microsoft began to de-install itself from your computer, climb down from your desk and is now living as a troll under your princess fairy chair. At which point Daddy crashed into mummy boudoir on fire screaming MICROSOFT STOLE MY LIFE! MICROSOFT STOLE MY LIFE!

All I can say is that daddy has now burst from this house to hunt Bill Gates down, clutching two machetes and a chain saw. In three days time, if you find the Microsoft get-yourself-up-and-running-software snarling under your desk, all hairy, rancid and germ-ridden, I will try and get daddy to calm down and come home again.

Hopefully, by then, he will not be clutching Bill Gates' left leg between his teeth.


Firebird said...

If it's not already too late, with Dig facing assault charges or worse, might I suggest Lynux? :-)

lotusbirther said...

ha ha, so its not just us then

sharon said...

Ahhh, that answers my query on the last post.

What you need is a teenage boy, preferably of the nerd variety, who will tap rapidly on the keyboard whilst mumbling randomly and dah, dah, da, it will be connected! It should only cost you large amounts of coke (not the white stuff), pizza and unrestricted internet access should you wish to house one permanently.

Brad said...

You really should have told me Dig was coming. We'd have gladly put him up. Bill is just across the lake from us. (albeit in a much different neighborhood) Always happy to lend a hand to a gent bent on bringing down "The Man"