Friday, 1 January 2010

Hard to beat

Here's Shark, looking shifty at the edge of a freezing cold field in Milton Keynes.

Because when this photograph was taken, everyone has glumly come to the conclusion that mama has outdone herself. Late by one year. The Parks Walk we turn up for at 10am this morning was 1st January 2009 and not 2010.

So with no-one at the meeting point, except us and five red pinched noses, things are looking bad.

And mama suggests we all go for a lovely walk as a family, since we turned up for that purpose, shame to waste it, and the day is shockingly blue and sparkly iced. Let's have fun!

Hmm. I am failing to detect enthusiasm for that suggestion, especially since the gritlets were wrapped up toasty warm like slugs in blankets at 9.35 before Mummy Grit jackbooted in and whipped off the covers.

But I'm not giving up. This home education life travels outdoors in 2010, unless you cling onto the door frames again. Now come down here and see where it leads.

To ice! Fantastic! Told you so. Now I get to wear the Hat of Righteousness. Because if you are aged nine, ice is fun! Especially if you smash great lumps of it with the heel of your foot and see with satisfaction the ripple of breakage you can cause six metres away.

But then! Just as we are engaged in destroying what nature has so kindly provided, past us struggle a raggedy cold walking group. Guess what? Mama gets to don the Double Hat of Righteousness and it's not even midday! Because here is the walking group! We were at the meeting point EARLY. Now we join that 2-hour walk round lake and field.

And if that is not my best, most satisfying and righteous moment so far of 2010, it is shortly overtaken by another ...

Can you see that? Shark, Tiger and Squirrel ARE STROKING A DOG.

Now any reader of grit's day knows that the fear of dogs for Tiger and Squirrel is so overpowering, they would rather never leave the house than meet one of these slobbering demon creatures that lick their own arses and then come and sniff your ankles, like you might be next on the menu.

My dearest Shark, Squirrel and Tiger. I have used strategy after strategy. I have held hands, offered dark glasses, talked fear management techniques, stood between you and demon dog, let you hang round my shoulders until you just about broke my neck. But look here! We never had to feed the dog rohypnol or sedate the kids with Tixylix.

Here is dog. Here are kids. It all just is. This could be the breakthrough we have sought. And this moment, combined with a bright shining blue day and, for once in my life, turning up somewhere early, makes this the best day yet of 2010.


MadameSmokinGun said...

Huge admiration. I am still traumatised by the idea of going out into 'the real world' again. Have managed a couple of carefully controlled visits over the last few weeks but tomorrow brings back sole responsibility for the 4 Mustgetinjureds.

Am panicking. Not ready. Can't remember how to drive. What if we miss a Spongebob episode they haven't seen? Now I know I'm being ridiculous. Like - as if.... When I'm rocking in my own poo in the Old People's Home and don't recognise any of my family, they shall bend down to my level to hear my wizened words of wisdom which will be 'Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! .....

It's Spongebob or the outside world.... Rock v Hard Place.

MadameSmokinGun said...

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

MadameSmokinGun said...

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Rachel M. said...

Wow job well done, it's really hard to get kids over a collective fear of an animal. Glad to see they worked through the dog issue.

sharon said...

I can remember the smell and feel of those sheets of cracking ice from my own childhood ;-) No particular wish to experience it again though!

Glowstars said...

I can't believe you forced those poor kids out of their nice warm beds at the crack of dawn just to go walk in the cold. lol

Hannah said...

Loved this post. Reminds me of when we go somewhere new, or where C hasn't been before, he spends the entire time saying "Are you sure you know where we're going? We're lost aren't we? I knew we should have stayed at home" and I get to be extremely smug when it works out and we have fun.