Success. I have only one black eye.

We had a one-year old baby in this house today.

My God. How do you people COPE? This was a real live sit up and bum crawl thrash arms about chuck everything at your head type of baby.

EXHAUSTING. I run about this kitchen like I am electrocuted, zigzagging this way and that, removing plastic spoons because they are going TO KILL THE BABY, finding non-splintering plasticware, non-sharp metal ware, non-breaking wooden ware; collecting up all that junk, just to have it thrown back at my face less than one second later. And that, I can take it from the jubilant squeal, was FUN.

By the end of an hour I had worked out that the draught excluder was the only item that routinely could smash me about the head without drawing blood.

It got me to thinking just what the heck did I do, with three of the little critters looking like meerkats out to shoot up this town before sunrise.

Then I remember. We locked them up. We partitioned off an entire room of the house, and removed everything sharp, dangerous, electrical, mechanical - indeed anything that could be used to stab me, maim me, remove limbs or take out one eye - because believe me, these kids work as a team, and two can be at your ankles while one is pointing the pitchfork. Once that room was made safe, and I wore a padded suit, body armour and shin pads, then I could go in to play. Which if I recall right, meant lie down on the floor while babies bounced on my head.

So I am just here to report that we are alive and I SURVIVED THE BABY and I am now so glad so very very glad that I had mine all at once.