Thursday, 13 March 2008

20 Grit threats

This morning I was distinctly out of sorts, what with two monkeys in the mouth and the start of a four aspirin headache, therefore I am posting something I have been saving and adding to in edit mode. (I almost sound like I know what I'm doing.) It is a list of Grit threats, heard over the last week, mostly delivered to Shark, Squirrel and Tiger. It's enough to make you feel sorry for them. Nearly.

And if you don't read them, I shall cry.

1. You're going to school. Right now. I'll drive you. No, on second thoughts, we'll walk.

2. If you do not move those toys I will put them in a black plastic sack and throw them away.

3. If you do that, you will be grounded. And this time, I mean it.

4. I am selling you for medical experiments.

5. I will foster you out. Shall we ring social services now?

6. I will call Childline for you.

7. I will get you up and out of bed very early tomorrow.

8. If you do not get out of the bath, I will lift you out.

9. Eat your meal or I will never feed you again. Ever.

10. I am leaving this family.

11. We are never ever going to do this again. Ever. Ever Ever. So don't ask.

12. I am going to live in a field. I may never come home.

13. I will sell that on ebay.

14. If you do not move it now I will take it down to the tip. Where are my car keys?

15. I am going to live with (insert name).

16. If you do that to the bread again I shall make you wear it.

17. If you scream in the car I will stop. I do not care if we are on the M6. I am stopping.

18. If I cannot find my (glasses / keys / bag / etc) I will smash up the house.

19. If this (dvd / video recorder / TV / etc) doesn't do as I say I will throw it through the window. (Expletives removed on that one.)

20. If the gas man calls again, pretend we are out.

9 comments:

Brad said...

I think I've heard all 1-20 from my own Dear Mother. (sarcasm) It must be hard coded into mother DNA. So, you should carry no guilt. Hope the head is better. I'm sure it wasn't the wine - *smile*

the mother of this lot said...

10 and 11 - constant. More like breathing than talking.

I don't think you need worry that a gasman will call again. They've probably blacklisted your address.

PLEASE come and collect your award!!

Kelly Jene said...

I have said quite a few of them myself (especially the "taking you to school right now!). The medical experiments one cracked me up. Too funny. When I found myself giving more threats then discipline, I shocked my boys one time by following through. I kept saying if I found this toy in this spot I would throw it away. And I did. In the midst of the biggest alligator tears and sobs, I did. It had some affect.

Keep up the good work, Grit!

Lynn said...

I particularly liked,

18. If I cannot find my (glasses / keys / bag / etc) I will smash up the house.

Classic;-))xxx

grit said...

hello brad ... strange, but no guilt yet ...!

Oh dear, motl, i have tried to collect it and demonstrated exactly how technically challenged i am by managing to delete the one box that Dig put on my side bar ... i am working on it again ... any clues as to how i do it ?!

Kelly Jean - I did once throw away one of their toys; i meant to creep back to the bin later and fish it out but i forgot. Since it was one half of a two-way walkie talkie, throwing it away in the first place was a really crap idea.

hi Lynn, sadly, I say this every day!!

dragon boy said...

you're a good mum. Anyone here find being a parent easy? I dont. Remember you are a good mum. And you make me laugh!! xx

Grit said...

hi dragon boy, i'm quietly glad that laughter is here.

20 GRIT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grit said...

Tsk! Dig says this is one of those viral adverts for a boy band and says I should not accept adverts on my site. I say no, no, Dig, I am very flattered to be mistaken for a rock band. People might think I am a groupie and not a grey-haired downbeat mother of triplets after all.