Sunday, 23 March 2008

Grit never learns

Following yesterday's bruising experience in the front room, Pollyanna Meinhof (aka Grit) thinks she has now learned something about unsupervised children. She thinks the best way to deal with this issue is to recite rules. So she has said to Shark, using her sternest voice and pointiest finger, 'If you are going to paint you must do three things. One, put newspaper over the table. Two, wear an apron. Three, clean up your brushes and paint pots. Repeat back to me what you are going to do.'

Shark obliges, faultlessly. With a pure girl scout face like that she could be swearing on the Queen's head. Ha! Thinks mummy Grit, returning to work and typesetting a very long text on Nahuatl commas. Now I'm getting these children trained!

And indeed, forty minutes later, Grit pops back and inspects the table and it is very clean. Shark has spilled not a drop of black paint anywhere. On the table there is a painted picture of a water spirit. A bit heavy on the black, I think, but never mind. The newspaper has been scrunched up into the paper recycling bin and the apron is hanging up, nearly folded. I see Shark has cleaned up her brushes and put them away too. And I am smug.

Until I see the bathroom.


Yes, that's a bathtub filled with black paint.

13 comments:

HelenHaricot said...

oops

the mother of this lot said...

I despair Grit, I really do.

You see, I knew this was going pear-shaped when I read the words 'Shark obliges faultlessly'.

Where is your motherly intuition? Where is that little radar signal in your head that makes you think 'Hang on...' And what the hell is a Nahuatl comma?

Send me the address. I shall pack a bag and come round forthwith. You need lessons.

Kelly Jene said...

Oh my goodness. Oh my. Between my chuckles, I have to know how you handled this. I think I would laugh and then scream my head off.

dragon boy said...

oh f**k!!!

Potty Mummy said...

Are you sure they hadn't simply run you a bath full of caviar or similar? Loved the previous post too, by the way. I foresee I whole Furryhorn civilisation under the sea in around 20 years time, from where the triplets will plan - and no doubt achieve - world domination...

ChrisB said...

I know I shouldn't laugh but I can't help myself and I don't have to clean the bath :)

Michelle said...

It's only paint. I made the mistake of letting C clean her mud encrusted trousers in the bath. Realised when she was done and looking at the water that I didn't really want all that sludge and teeny tiny pieces of stone (grit) and sand going down the drain so had to slop it into a bucket. Easier said than done let me tell you.

Grit said...

hi folks, i agree that i am totally out of my depth ... who wants to take them on?

dragon boy said...

actually, have to admit, when i was 17 i used henna to die my hair, my mum returned home from work to find green, thick, sludge covering our brand new white bath!! If i remember rightly, she burst into tears.........so, just to let you know, this could go on for years....and years....and years!!!

Grit said...

OMG, dragonboy. i never thought of it like that.

to be forwarned is to be forarmed, and for that i thank you.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

please tell me that you drink? I've just read 3 (or 4) of your posts back to back, and I'm feeling the urge to reach for wine!
Pigx

Pig in the Kitchen said...

...and can I also have some lessons from Mother of this lot?

Grit said...

er... I do drink actually, and am fond of fine wine, well brewed beer, mature port, malt whisky ...