Thursday, 20 March 2008

Doom ahead

Mean moody middle-aged mom has asked for seven interesting things about Grits.

One might think of achievements, successes and rewards as the most noteworthy statements about a life, but if I do that, Dig will be using this post as background research for my funeral when he's looking for something positive to say, and can't think of anything.

So I might deprive him of an easy way out, and I'll provide instead seven rules for a Grit lifestyle. This is the same Grit who gave up a glamorous globe-trotting life to home educate triplets, arriving unexpectedly one year while she was planning a visit to Peru with her handsome husband.

1. Have no personal dignity. Have the last thread of that ripped out of your body and mind by a series of events too awful to recount.

2. In any circumstance, think, 'I may as well. There is nothing to lose here. And anyway, it can't get any worse than it already is'.

3. From then on, be bloody minded at all times. Reject advice. Even good advice.

4. Say very rude words very quietly.

5. Persist.

6. Persist some more. Say 'I do not care. I am not giving up'.

7. When all persistence has failed, and the predictable, doomed ending of misery is in sight - the ending that could have been avoided if only the advice had been taken at Step 3 - then go into the kitchen and kick the shit out of the expensive refuse bin once purchased for an expensive Victorian kitchen, sadly now trashed by kids. When the bin has been thoroughly smashed, chuck it into the back yard and swear at the night sky and the stars.


Brad said...

I was in line at check out at Safeway the other day and a mom w/ two under 6’s on her hands was in line behind me. One little girl was about to go ballistic for not getting the candy she wanted. All I had to do was bend down and say hello and she stopped her tears and shrunk into her mother’s skirt. I thought it was quite brilliant on my part.

Tie a bandana around Sharks face and tell her she’s a cowboy. That should take care of her runny nose.

Feeling better – thanks

Kelly Jene said...

You don't feel strongly about that, now do you?

I love number 4. :)

Potty Mummy said...

Personally, I favour kicking the shit out of children's plastic bathroom steps. It's cheaper to replace than a kitchen bin. But hey, whatever works...