Friday, 17 October 2008

Theatre treat

Thanks to the moron mother who thought it a good idea to give each of her three kids the biggest bag of sweets she could find, where every one of those sweets was further locked in a RUSTLING FOIL WRAPPER, I had to sit through a 50-minute puppet performance of Beauty and the Beast with

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going off in all ears. Indeed Phil Spector and all his firearms would be particularly proud of this Wall of Sound. After fifteen minutes most of the words Beauty or the Beast could utter were drowned out in a slobbery sea of chomp and bag crackle. After twenty minutes it seemed like a totally reasonable action to turn round, snatch those bags of sweets, clap those kids across the choppers and throw every toffee right at that moron mother's head.

But because I am grown up, I just TUTTED.

Well not next time matey. NEXT TIME when your fat kid who cannot stay off the TOFFEES for longer than one minute dares to unwrap his first juicy THEATRE treat I am going to pass you a bag of cold wet spaghetti and pickled eggs and dump it on your lap and listen to you SCREAM.

9 comments:

Mean Mom said...

Oh, commiserations! Is there anything worse? Yes. The child who continues to KICK THE BACK OF YOUR SEAT even after you've requested politely that he shouldn't and asked his mother to stop him!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

ah Grit, chin up, release your rage.

i once sat thru some bizarre hybrid of Swan lake crossed with The East is red in a Chinese theatre. It is apparently the done thing to chatter incessantly, get up, greet people on the other side of the theatre, leave, burp, spit, fart and stare at foreigners.

I feel your pain.
Pigx

Elizabeth said...

I can't stand that! Most of these kids shows last an hour-why do they have to eat non-stop the whole time? I think the theatres should stop selling anything in a crinkly bag, any soda cans, anything that can be crunched--actually-I wish they'd cut it out all together! What happened with having a nice drink in the lounge at intermission? (Oh goodness-did I just age myself or what!!)

To be honest-I almost thought you were going to say you couldn't throw the bag at the mom because it's hard to throw something at yourself!! So glad you don't let the girls binge on junk in public theatres!

sharon said...

How rude! Of them, not you.

We used to enjoy an ice-cream in the Intermission Elizabeth!

Retiredandcrazy said...

OG gives our great granddaughters sweets too. It drives me nuts but he thinks he is being kind.

Jonny's Mommy said...

I love people who sit behind me and talk during the whole movie. If they wanted to talk then why did they go the movies?! Argh!

Irene said...

I am becoming more and more convinced that the world is becoming populated with stupid people who have no sense of responsibility toward other people's comfort. I really do like old fashioned manners and I am not an old fashioned woman. I just appreciate common courtesy and I would have dumped spaghetti and eggs on her as well, Grit.

Grit said...

thank you all for your comments! I think we should form a society for respectful manners in the theatre. we could campaign against tall people sitting in front of us too.

kellyi said...

It must have been national-crazy-people-go-to-the-theatre-week or some thing. I took my daughter to see a local youth choir perform and throughout the WHOLE thing the man behind us tapped out a beat on my chair and the two daft bats in the corner sang, out of tune and 5 seconds too fast to every single song. I did the angry look over my shoulder, but it didn't help, they just ignored me. Next time I vow I will jump out and shout "pack it in you stupid old people."

The mayor was also sitting in the row behind me and I found out in the interval that he lives next door to my granny.

All in all, bit of a surreal evening.