Hi de hi!

Dig! Do you remember sweeping me off my feet and transporting me to Cairo, all in a sparkling moment? Do you remember how amazing that was? And how, when we there touching 40C, you whispered to me 'Let's find the spice market! I think it's just down there!' then led me blindly round the streets of the abattoir in the afternoon sun for three hours, putting me a whisker away from a coma! Do you remember that?

Well, sexy wife Grit says it's time to repay your romantic gesture!

Because, darling Dig, so accustomed are you to first class travel and business lounges all around the globe that I think you need a change of place, a new scene, a fresh outlook to spur you on. And just as you lifted me from my life in fields, or covered in paint and glue and arguing about wiggly eyes, then I must transport you away from the first class lounge where there is free wine and free food!

But forgive me, because my circumstances are a little more constrained than yours. From my budget I have to buy lentils, yellow paint and glow-in-the-dark frogs. But we've vowed to give each other as much trouble and grief as a human being can muster, and all for the rest of our lives, so I think I'd better get on with it and let you have it.

Because I have booked a four day stay, for all of us, with a bunch of home educators in Norfolk. At Pontins.