Monday, 28 April 2008

Bathroom etiquette

I am a proud mummy.

Shark, Tiger and Squirrel have reached a new, important stage in their intellectual development as Proper Growing Up Little Madams.

When they were aged five, or six, one of them, usually Squirrel, would be dispatched on a mission to find me, wherever I was in the house. Mummy! she would whisper urgently, with eyes wide and expression grave. Do not come into the bathroom!

This injunction is, obviously, a fundamental mistake, as any supervising mother will know. Of course I uttered Oh my god, then left my appearance a decent time, possibly three minutes, before striding into the bathroom as if I had forgotten the request, or come to claim Oh that was a long time ago, and anyway, come out quickly because there is jammy toast on the table!

Then Squirrel, Shark and Tiger would all scarper out of the bathroom and I would find out what they have been up to, do a bit of complaining, issue rules about wood, soil, plastic snakes, toilets and Sindy dolls, and clean up.

Now, I am proud to say, my little girls are becoming much more sophisticated about their bathroom usage.

Today I pass the closed bathroom door. I hear running water pouring into the bath and a great deal of earnest talk: three little voices, twittering, with lots of giggles inbetween. He is going for a swim now. Put his head under the tap. He likes the shower, doesn't he? He would like this on his head. Get it ready! Swing him round! He likes flying!

I pause outside the bathroom door to eavesdrop long enough, then shout What are you doing in the bathroom? There is a moment's frozen silence, apart from the sound of water splashing into the bathtub. Then Tiger shouts, Nothing.

And I hear the sound of something heavy, slowly being pushed against the door.


And after some time had elapsed, and some tempting jammy toast laid out on the kitchen table, this is what I found hanging up over the bath.

You would not have guessed washed unicorns hanging over a bathtub filled with snakes, lizards, and pots of paint, would you?


Em said...


I recently read The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. Some of the passages in that reminded me of your girls.

dragon boy said...

oh my god....what was it?!?!?!!?!

Kelly Jene said...

LOLOLOLOL oh, that cracked me up. You should put all these posts into a book and sell it. Seriously. Your adventures are hilarious.

Ok, not so hilarious for the cleanup crew.

Mean Mom said...

Oooh, oooh, oooh! Was it a toad? Was it a little boy? I shan't be able to sleep, now, for wondering what it was!

Potty Mummy said...

Yes Grit, what was it? Your public needs to know!

Maggie May said...

Blimey! Locked out of your own bathroom. What did they have in there?

Brad said...

Some thing are best left to there own. That is until you need a plumber.

the mother of this lot said...

'Nothing''s the worst possible answer.

Minnie said...

My niece used to put her two young boys in the bathroom to 'play' while she cleaned the bedrooms. Chuck in a few rubber ducks, etc and leave 'em to it.

One day they played REALLY well. and decided to help Mummy ...and put down the toilet, bit by suckery bit, one of those rubber bath mats....which had obviously started to decompose a bit to aid 'tearing up'.

Toilet wouldn't flush for a while!! Lol

Hate to tell you, but it doesn't get any better when they get older. Son no 1 flooded out my kitchen CEILING last year.....too much splashing in over filled tub in bathroom above:o) I didn't dare have a bath for weeks after, incase the bathtub went through the sodden ceiling and landed in the kitchen sink below!! Eeew!

Grit said...

hi em, I will certainly look out for this!

dragon boy, it was a horrible sight that met my eyes ...

hi kelly jene, that would be a great idea if 6,000 people were actually interested in paying to read about a home ed life!

hi mean mon, i have this theory that um, how do i put it, T, Sh and Sq are actually practising in preparation for boyfriends. poor lads.

potty mummy, all is revealed! (they'd got a chair in there as well, to string up the washing line).

fortunately maggie may we are well equipped with bathrooms, so i do not have to weewee dance!

hi brad, sindy was a bit tough but a coat hanger did the trick.

hi motl, i'm sure you must have seen worse?

oh no minnie! it doesn't get any better?! i knew it in my heart, i just couldn't admit it to myself!!!

Suburbia said...

I am frustrated and hanging off the edge of my seat! Tell me what is was, PLEASE!

Grit said...

well blow me down, i put a photo up there of unicorns hanging over a bath and it seems to have gone. hang on, i'll give it another go!

Mean Mom said...

Think yourself very lucky that you have girls! Believe me when I say that you are getting off very lightly, so far!

Merry said...

Snigger.... i should probably make sure your girls meet Amelie at some point. They'd be terrifying together. (Even more terrifying... and i imagine that would be something!)