Monday, 26 January 2009

Grit, you are puerile

Woke up midday. Jacked up on heroin. CrazyuncleTed - the one with the machete, no teeth and wall eye - called to say he'll trade triplets for wraps. Drank vodka. Two bottles. Dig found eight crazy new hookers for wild sex involving shrubbery, bull terrier, goat heads. Tea time, we chained up Shark, Squirrel and Tiger to the vacuum cleaner which I set to ON and we all mocked them mercilessly with carrots and iced buns. Great day. Posted the party on YouTube. 1,800 views, three comments.

Shhhh! That's my cover.

I wouldn't want anyone to know the grisly, sordid truth of our depraved lives in this house of home educating misery and hell. Like today Shark, Squirrel and Tiger set about celebrating Chinese New Year by reading about the dynasties of China, cutting lino for printing, listening to Chinese music, and helping cook a Chinese meal. It gets worse. I'm ashamed. We managed to fit in lessons in drama and dance.


Now I'd just like to add that if any local educational official is out there reading this blog who thinks the present government 'review' into home education is no reason to get upset, I'd just like to say, fuck off.

But of course I will not, because that would not be dignified. It would be stooping almost as low as sarcasm.

10 comments:

Elibee said...

Oh come on Grit, this goat head thing is ridiculous, I've never seen you use anything worse than the sacrificial chicken

Sam said...

Thankyou Grit :-)
I need to be able to laugh at this, otherwise I will just cry and cry.

Ruth said...

After this week's episode of QI I've taken to saying Rock-paper-scissors Off!

sharon said...

Ah hah! Chinese devil worship too! Is there no end to your depravities? Those poor, poor innocent girls.....

Mud in the City said...

And you didn't even stop at the carrots; moving on to icede bun ridicule was just cruel!

Samurai Beetle said...

I had to look up the word puerile. See government, Grit teaches adults too.

Lynsey said...

You really crack me up!!

Grit said...

thank you for your comments people. i'm going to open a bottle of beer now before things get really bad.

Annkrozeika said...

Brilliant post, made me laugh & laugh! Your second-from-last paragraph in particular: I'd love to scrawl those words across their 'review' in fat red marker pen...if only it was available in paper form...

mand said...

Love your spirit. 80)