Monday, 12 January 2009

No pets. NO. NO. NO.

So far in the Grit and Dig household, life sounds like this:

Can we have a pet?
No.
Can we have a pet?
No.
Can we have a pet?
No
.
[Repeat for two hours.]

Then, without warning, shout I will think about a tortoise!

In the following 24 hours, research tortoises. See what Jaywalker must do to make tortoises interesting. Declare tortoises are off.

Swiftly followed, from Shark:

Can I have a fish?
No.
Can I have a fish?
No.
Can I have a fish?
No.
[Repeat for two hours.]

On this, Mummy Grit is determined, so don't try and change my mind. Because we might go to Hong Kong. Yeah. We might do that. I tell Shark.

We cannot have fish. We might move to Hong Kong.

Can I take the fish with me?

No.

Can someone look after it?
No.

They could come round to feed it.
No.
Why? Why will no one look after my fish?
[despairing wailing]
No-one will fish sit. It will have to go down the toilet.

Nooo! Noooooooooo! Nooooooooooo!
[Much screaming, crying and piteous shrieking ensues.]

But Mummy Grit has a heart. Of course she has. I am not made of stone. I hear Shark's pain. I buy Shark a plastic aquarium and three plastic fish from the charity shop. It costs me 25p in the sale.

Reader, it is the best 25p I have ever spent. Shark loves these fish. She has made seaweed from beads. And here are the photographs that now sit at her bedside.




I have found the perfect pet.

19 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I'll have to remember that next time the subject comes up!

mamacrow said...

I should have got plastic ones. do not under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES weaken and get real fish.

I still don't want to talk about it :(

Mean Mom said...

What a brilliant idea! Wish I'd bought 3 plastic cats. ;0(

Brad said...

At least they're not asking for a little brother.

Jonny's Mommy said...

You don't have to feed it or ever flush it! How perfect!

sharon said...

The perfect pets! I too was that mean Mummy that wouldn't allow pets. In fact when my elder son was still a singleton, he threw a tantrum in the High Street because I wouldn't let him have a puppy, or a kitten, or a budgie or even a little sister! Note the descending order of importance there ... A few months later I did produce his baby BROTHER - not very impressed initially although he got over it and loved him dearly until said baby turned into a toddler with very much his own mind! Then he wondered if someone else might like to have him . . . there's no pleasing some people.

No, stick to your guns, no pets, and I very much doubt the chance of siblings is even a fleeting thought:-)

Samurai Beetle said...

my cat threw up on my recipe book yesterday, just missing baby's piano by inches. I hate my cats, well hate is a strong word, they are nice cats, just a bit reckless. The dog is really irritating these days. The fish are the only pet I would recommend. I had an awesome lionhead goldfish when I lived in LA. I called him Oden because he had one eye. His center of balance was off so when he got really fat and the other fish would bump him from behind he would roll. It was really funny. Are you serious about Hong Kong??? That would be so cool.

Jaywalker said...

Thin end of wedge Grit. Do not falter. Plastic pets definitely way to go. Why do I lose all my joining words when I comment here?

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

I think plastic fish are such a good invention. If the child is happy with them, then you have gotten lucky. Can you give her a battery operated dog that does tricks? It may get on your nerves after a while, though.

Culture Shock said...

at least they are not adopting half-dead cockroaches...

Angela said...

These fish are even really cute! Why would you want to go to Hong Kong?

Ruth said...

My daughter has Sea Monkeys (£9.99 from the Science Museum) Everything else, baby goldfish, tadpoles, butterflies and a woodlouse called Lovie, is strictly temporary, destined to be released back into the back garden to fend for itself.

screamish said...

can i have plastic children? and husband? why did no one tell me about these things before??

Jaywalker said...

Grit, I think it is your home educating duty to get these girls some TRIOPS. They are repulsive but fascinating, and tremendously educational.

You have my permission to forget I ever said that.

Elibee said...

I have stick insect babies in need of a home and tell Squirrel I will gladly come and feed her fish. What was that? I can't come round for dinner any more. Well, really, what did I say?

mamacrow said...

we've just got our triops. they're sitting on the side waiting for evolution month (feb) and hydration.

Jaywalker said...

Mamacrow, prepare for some big time revulsion. It starts off fascinating but it gets grislier and grislier.

If you need further elucidation look at blog posts under the category 'the triops has three eyes' over at mine. I feel you need to be warned.

Grit said...

thank you for your comments folks. i have a confession about the triops. we were bought a kit of these three christmases ago by aunty dee. the package is still on the shelf. because NO WAY will i do this thing called look at the cute triops munch their way through their brothers and sisters. and we had enough problems with the wormery.

katyboo1 said...

My aunt solved this problem by taking my cousin to the fish mongers, buying him and buying him a dead mackerel. He put it in a bowl of water and kept it in the freezer. He was allowed to chat with it whenever he liked! It was called Sparky.

Nice call on the no pets. Keep up the good work.