Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Dear NSPCC! Please protect my children!

'Our view is simply that those educated at home should have the same right to protection as those taught in school' NSPCC

NSPCC! You are SO RIGHT. My children need protecting. From ME.

Because today I ABUSED* Shark, Squirrel and Tiger SOME MORE and took them to Our Lord HOBBYCRAFT.

I need protecting from myself in there. Do you know how much I can fritter away on a stick-on butterfly? Well now I have plunged the entire family into the debt crisis thanks to the cardboard swans that Squirrel wanted for her scrapbooking project.

Now did I mention today's scrapbooking project? SAVE US FROM THAT, DEAR NSPCC.

Here we are, sticking down swans and butterflies when everyone knows we should be out on the streets, learning how to be hookers. Or peddling wraps at the school gates for two quid, organising a gang fight at the back of the toilets, dressing like sexy dolls, worshipping Brangelina and drawling Books? They're sooo uncool in fake American accents.

Yeah, come round immediately, NSPCC, because tomorrow I'm planning to ABUSE MY CHILDREN WITH COOKING.

Abusive swans.
One look at these should tell you
how our children need protecting
on a DAILY basis.

* I did warn all readers about the RANDOM SHOUTING that may now take place on this BLOG. You can BLAME THE NSPCC. Yeah. NSPCC. PROTECT US ALL FROM CAPITAL LETTERS.


Sam said...

Oh very good :-D

The NSPCC's statement is gobsmakingly unbelievable, but you put it so much better than I could :-)

Debs said...

"Really badly pissed off now" is the best tag I've ever come across. I need one of those!

mamacrow said...

i like the swans. I want some!

katyboo1 said...

Harsh woman.
Don't you know, swans can break your arm? No wonder the NSPCC need calling in.

sharon said...

I'd probably be forcibly removed from Hobbycraft by husband dearest if we still lived in the UK! As it is now that we live way out in the sticks, I have to make do (hee-hee) with the Internet and the credit card. So handy having a husband who is a technophobe and also leaves all the financial details to me!

I think it's about time there was an NSPCHE - think about it - or maybe you could be put on the endangered species list and be given free beer, cake and chocolate.

Frog in the Field said...

I am so not mining diamonds!!