Wednesday, 4 February 2009

The pain, the pain

I have an argument with Dig. It is not fair. He is a Big Pig Dig.

Suffice to say, he will not do what I want.

What I want is not a lot. So have sympathy with ME. ME ME ME. Because quite frankly this is all about ME. And MY PAIN.

Look! First I throw myself on the floor. I am shouting PITY ME! PITY ME! I plead, weep, pat at my red, sore and crying eyes with his shoelaces and it is to NO AVAIL.

So I try ANGER. I slam doors. I stomp. I rage. I point. And shout. I breathe. Loudly. Down my nose. I exhale as if it is the last breath I could take and that would be YOUR FAULT BIGPIGDIG if I died right now. Here! DEAD on your floor. DEAD DEAD DEAD.

And it is not working. Fuck. He will not give in.

I will do disdain. With martyrdom. I will look at bigpigdig down my nose. Oh look! those eyebrows will say! How little is this man! How great is my suffering! How eternal my torment! How gracious it would be for me to accept your very presence bigpigdig! How low did I aim when I married you! How much do you OWE me!

Oh, the horror. It does not work. He will NOT GIVE IN.

I have to go and be the RESPONSIBLE ADULT taking Shark, Squirrel and Tiger to watch CINDERELLA ON ICE.


Mud in the City said...

Whatever you want must be HUGE!

have you tried withholding nourishment/cleaning/washing and your marital bed?

Dani said...

I feel your pain. Lucky for me neither of my children would be interested in such a thing.

Jaywalker said...

Oh Grit. I blanched when I read that last sentence. I think you need to fake your own death.

pixieminx said...

Same 'discussion' with DH about 'High School Musical 3' - needless to say I won - Yay me! - bet that'll come back to bite me in the bum :-) Take a pair of dark glasses, ipod, bottle of vodka and just smile occasionally!

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

How enormously dull and boring. You should have faked you own death to get out of that.

Grit said...

it is all over with, dear people! i have survived the trial! now i need whisky.

mamacrow said...

would think less of me if I told you I'd love to have gone?

ah well. next time!