This should be titled, PAIN IN THE ARSE

After today I have to stand up for the next two weeks, thanks to the world's sorest backside.

This is not the result of Grit's new profession, this is the fault of Ed Balls.

Just in case you are lagging behind, dear reader, I'll quickly let you know that the scheming Ed Balls and the world's foremost expert Mr Badman cooked up a review into home education that basically says, WAIT A MINUTE! YOU HOME EDUCATORS ARE HAVING FUN! IT IS NOT STATE APPROVED! YOU MUST BE STOPPED!

On publication, Grit immediately soars off to Planet RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION and resolves to SHOW THE WORLD WHAT FUN HOME ED IS.

Thus today's PE lesson. Normally this means shove Shark on a dingy, Squirrel in a dance class and Tiger on a horse. Then leg it to the lakeside cafe to loll about in a leather armchair drinking Pimm's.

NOT TODAY.

Thanks to her recent injection of righteousness, Grit says we are going to show Mr Balls what fun we home educators can have ON A BIKE and then we are going to be taken by ambulance over to his house and die on his front lawn.

Because Grit's home education version of PE FUN is to cycle approximately one thousand miles via Abu Dhabi on a bike with a non-springing saddle to arrive at a local festival for this evening's performance by Cock and Bull.*

Then WE ARE GOING TO CYCLE HOME AGAIN.

And here it is. Not photographs of my bottom, obviously. Although if, in the next two weeks, you happen to cruise around the world's goriest medical sites displaying hideously deformed bottoms, you might just cop a look.

Such a tranquil start!

How we laughed!

Even at Squirrel's ballooning skirt which shows all the passers by her knickers! But by now the horrible realisation is sinking in. She is still laughing because she has a FOAM SADDLE.

Things are getting a little tough, now.

But we make it!

Sadly, the photographer is not up to much.

Thank goodness The Hat can take over and dance with Shark while mama Grit tries to furtively rub her bottom to relieve the CONSTANT AGONY. But oh no! What is this?

The long dark night of desolation and bottom PAIN back home AGAIN.


I'm not making this up, you know. Great Linford Waterside Festival is here, and over here is the highly recommended Cock and Bull.