It can't be a day out in Cambridge for the science festival, can it?

Children who are not in school could be missing out on vital educational and social opportunities and experiences. Some of them may be at risk of harm or be in situations that are unsafe.

Children who are not in school are at greater risk of involvement in criminal activity and becoming victims of crime themselves. There is also a higher risk that these children will be victims of abuse.

- Local Authority guidance. Probably for a Local Authority near you.

Grit is not a lady to go out of her way to upset anyone, obviously. Therefore today I will do my best for Shark, Squirrel, and Tiger, and try not to disappoint the Local Authority. They know what they're talking about, after all. Surely they don't get called an Authority for nothing.

Here we go. I have found a vital educational experience! That should please everyone. And the children can't miss this. The park and ride bus to Cambridge city centre.

Next, I must provide a vital social opportunity. Like wait in this queue nicely for nearly half an hour and no screaming. That is quite some social skill. Then we can all see a lecture by the Naked Scientists.


Those scientists weren't even naked! You see, nothing is ever what it advertises in this weird world.

Now I know that the Local Authority says if my children are not in school today then they may be at risk of harm or be in situations that are unsafe.

I ensured my children were kept safe from harm as we later staggered about the streets of Cambridge at 6pm looking for cheap pizza eats.

Don't cross the road, Squirrel! It's harmful!


Phew. Safe from harm now.


Next, I must be aware that as Shark, Squirrel and Tiger are not in school today there may be a greater risk of involvement in criminal activity.

See that woman in the red coat? She is clearly suspicious. Avoid her. She might be a criminal and try to involve us in something. Like stealing diamonds or smuggling red coats. If she comes any closer Shark, make a citizen's arrest.


yet I must be aware that Shark, Squirrel and Tiger may become victims of crime themselves. And victims of abuse.


Oh dear. I have failed.

We all became victims of the crime known as Caffe Uno. It was not my fault. They had a lovely waitress who lured us into the lair of cheap pizzadom. She was so astonishingly patient for the 25 minutes it took Tiger to decide whether she wanted her pasta straight or curly - this alone should have given me a clue as to their dastardly plan to feed us, cheaply.

Clearly, I have failed in my struggle for the moral high ground.

The Local Authority may inspect my innards. I have caused abuse by cheese and tomato pizza in the highways and byways of Cambridge city centre. I confess.


Hang my head in shame.